Sorellina | ✔️

Chapter Thirty-Five

My brothers look at me, some of them a bit concerned. Alessandro glances at his watch, "I have plenty of work to finish, unfortunately," He says, standing up from the table.

I get an onslaught of good nights and farewells, "Sogni d'oro, Topolina," Zio Alessio says. Topolina? The nickname sounds familiar. "Bye, Maddie," Mateo says, he still looks a bit concerned, and I realize there's a touch of concern on everyone's face. My other brothers follow suit, standing up and preparing to leave. "Buonanotte, zia," He says, hugging Zia Cecilia and Zio Alessio who he was talking with, after bidding goodbye to everyone at the table, we leave. The cold breeze slightly succeeds in calming my nerves. It makes me anxious that I don't even know what's making me feel like this.

Once we're in the car and pulling off, I just peer out the front windshield, focusing on how I feel inside and trying to pull myself out of it. When Emilio's hand makes contact with my arm, I subconsciously flinch away. Once the realization of what I've done hits me, I snap out of it and realize all of their concerned eyes on me, Alessandro momentarily glances at me through the rearview mirror before looking back at the road.

"Sorry," I say softly, my voice cracks with guilty, "I was just startled."

"Madison, what's wrong?" Alessandro asks.

"Nothing," I swallow the lump in my throat, "I'm-I'm fine."

"I just want to help," He reassures, "You can trust me, Maddie."

But the panic has successfully plagued every corner of my mind. It's planted little inklings of doubt in every bit of trust I've built and I find it hard to focus on the fact that these are my brothers, of course I can trust them.

But instead, I just continue to push people away.

I'm quiet for a moment, "No. I can't."

The moment the words leave my mouth, however true they may be, I feel guilty. But I don't retract them.

...

The following morning, I wake up and I feel sick to my stomach. I'm shocked when I see its half past 4 and I assume they've let me miss school.

I walk downstairs, the twins are sitting on the couch in the living room, Xander is on his phone and Carlo is sketching. There's a movie playing quietly in the living room. I walk into the kitchen, Emilio and Francesco aren't in there, only Elijah and Sandro. Sandro is sipping from a mug and Elijah is sitting at the island, he has his laptop out in front of him, Sandro is talking quietly to him as Elijah types.

"Hey," I say quietly.

They look up, "Hey, Mads. How are you feeling now?" Elijah asks, grabbing a plate out of the microwave and sliding it to me.

"Fine," I say, as I sit down at the island.

I had a nightmare last night. And I realize why I was so out of it yesterday. I sort of knew and was dreading this day, it's mom's birthday today. Since I woke up this morning, I haven't known what to feel. Knowing now what she took from me by taking me away, I shouldn't care at all. So I trick myself into believing I hate her.

"Thanksgiving is next week. Do you think you can have dinner with the family again?" Elijah asks.

I nod.

I don't miss the way they're all keeping their distance a bit. I could understand why. I guess I've worried them too much, and they think I'm some kind of fuse. Bound to panic at any moment, and honestly, are they wrong? I'm too messed up inside right now, I can't be rational. So I try to keep my words limited as well.

I push my food around with my fork, I can feel myself falling back into the gray place I was in back in Seattle. I don't want to eat anything, my stomach feels queasy, I feel sluggish and down.