Sorellina | ✔️

Chapter Thirty-Four

I end up sitting in between who I think is Mateo, and I think Giovanni. I haven't gotten the hang of all the names. But Mateo is around my age, I believe. He's 15, I think he turns 16 soon. Regardless, I'm still the youngest in the entire family.

Carlo is sitting a few people away, seemingly in a debate with Niccolo, Vittorio, and Brio. While Alessandro is talking lowly with grandfather and who I assume is my uncle Dante since he's the only one who wasn't here when everyone was being introduced, their conversation looks really serious.

I just stare forebodingly at the menu. It's an entree menu, I'm assuming there's an appetizer menu but I'm too anxious to raise my voice and ask for it as everyone's really engaged in their conversations. I kind of like how they aren't isolating me or treating me weird though I don't catch all the adoring looks they keep giving me or the looks that say they really can't believe I'm actually here.

The waitress walks over and begins taking everyone's drink orders, I get more and more anxious as everyone makes their orders.

"I'll get the Frosted Strawberry Virgin Mojito," Mateo says.

"And you?" The waitress says to me.

I open my mouth to order but don't know what to order. All the drinks look so fancy, what if I embarrass myself by accidentally ordering something alcoholic?

"Do you want the same thing?" Mateo whispers.

I nod, gratefully. "And can she get a Frosted Strawberry Virgin Mojito?" He says.

"Does she want that?" Giovanni says.

"She said she does, you piece of shit," Mateo responds pettily.

"Stop it, you two," Zia Cecilia scolds before turning her attention to me, "So, tell us about yourself, Maddie," Alessio is my father's only brother with kids whereas the others are grandfather's brother's kids, and not directly related to my father. They all still treat each other like very immediate family, like direct cousins, I could even say they treat each other like siblings. I don't belong here.

"I'm um..." I start quietly, I suddenly wish I was sitting next to one of my brothers, "I play ice hockey...I have a partial scholarship to go to Harvard Nursing," I say.

"No, way. Really?" Carlo says.

Emilio looks at me, "Mads, that's great."

I didn't tell them because I'll admit that I wasn't even sure I'd make it to 18, but I feel like saying that aloud might put a bit of a damper on the room.

Thankfully, the waitress comes, it's not the one from before, it's a different woman, handing out our drinks and ready to take orders. She takes a keen interest to every guy at the table. I recognize the desperate flirtation because whenever I'm with my brothers I witness it, but right now, I'm too focused on anxiously waiting for the waitress to get to me. When the waitress finally gets to me, "Can I just have a cheeseburger and fries?" I ask hesitantly.

She scoffs condescendingly, "This isn't McDonalds. That isn't on the menu-"

"Did she ask if it was on the menu?" Francesco says sharply.

"Just get her a fucking cheeseburger and fries. I don't care if you have to go out and buy the supplies yourself, get her what she asked for," Niccolo says.

The waitress scowls, "Fine." She shakes her head.

"And while you're back there, why don't you stay back there. Send us out another waitress," Sandro says, gesturing something to Dante.

Dante walks into the kitchen after the waitress. It feels weird having this many people on my side, it's like my brother have multiplied into the form of like, 20 people. 20 insanely over-protective people.

"Hey," Mateo whispers, "Can I have half your fries if I give you half my garlic sticks?"

Giovanni smacks him in the back of the head.

"Ow!" Mateo yelps.

"Stop asking for people's food," He says.

"Let her answer!" He protests.

"If she didn't order the breadsticks she doesn't want them, you glutton," Giovani scolds.

I almost grin.

The drink that Mateo ordered is actually really good, as is the food, but it sits uneasily in my stomach, I don't know if it's the environment or the fact that I still feel out of place, but my stomach feels queasy, and suddenly, the dim lights are giving me a migraine. My collar feels too tight around my neck, the jazz music in the background is making my ears pound and my heart is beating so hard, I can feel it throughout my entire body. I clench my fist tightly, my legs bouncing so I don't start trembling. "Are you okay?" Mateo asks me worriedly. I swallow, "Excuse me," I say softly, standing up from the table and making a beeline straight for the restrooms.

The bathroom has marble floors, it smells like vanilla. There's seating along the wall, the light is warm and there are a few sweet-smelling candles along the back of the sink which is a fire-hazard.

I look at myself in the mirror, my fingers tightening on the edge of the sink. My face is pale, I grip the sink so hard, my knuckles are almost as white as the porcelain the sink is made of. I try to take a calming breath but can barely exhale without a tremble. My heart is beating hard as anxiety creeps it's scratch fingers up my neck and lodges itself in my throat.

I find myself quietly counting to 5, a tactic I learned back in Seattle. It's never worked for me.

If you were to ask me why I'm so anxious, I couldn't tell you. Is it because I'm scared? Is it because I can't look at them without thinking of my father? Without admitting to myself that maybe I don't hate him?

I walk out into the dining room, they don't realize anything is wrong, and I don't know if I'm regretful or grateful that I've spent my entire life learning how to hide how I felt. I sit down at the table, my leg bouncing, my fist clenching and unclenching on my lap.

"Alessandro?" I say gently.

He looks over at where I'm sitting from down the table.

"Can I have a glass of iced tea?"

. . .

don't worry, this isn't the last of her family, thanksgiving is in a few chapters!!

i can't believe we've reached 100k+ reads, like how???? thats so amazing

it's also hard to believe there's only about 15-20 chapters left, i almost don't want it to be over but i hope you all like it so far and stick around until the end!

lots (and lots) of love <333