Sorellina | ✔️

Chapter Fifty-Three

Things after that feel so dark, its almost terrifying.

My brothers keep coming in and saying the same things over and over and over again, it becomes as though my head is underwater, but things have slowed down to a tranquil sea.

It's silent. But it isn't calm. It's suffocating. Every noise has become background noise, every feeling seems to just get lost. After a few days, my brothers stop coming in as much. I think they might be giving me space and I don't know if I should be grateful for it.

Maybe I would have said something to them if they tried again. Maybe this time, I would have talked.

Since I've gotten back, it seems like all words have been stolen from me. Like my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. Anything I could possibly say seems pointless by now. All I keep doing is repeating the same things over and over again, 'you betrayed me', 'I'm angry', 'Why can't you treat me like family?'

I'm beginning to sound like a broken record and shame fills me inside. Each time I talk, the only thing I end up saying is the same rubbish over and over again.

But I couldn't help it. I can't explain it. Even after everything, even after there was no reason to before, I wanted them to understand, I wanted to beg them to get it, force them to finally feel the pain I always feel, but is that selfish of me? To wish this on someone else? Even if only so they can understand why it's so hard for me to be perfect. To understand how hard it is to try so hard, every fucking day, but it's never enough. It's never enough to be apparent to everyone else. But I feel it. I feel it inside, the amount that I'm trying to be what they want.

I just wanted them to understand, and I start to wonder if this hadn't happened, would I still be willing to keep saying it until they got it? Would any ounce of self-respect I had left have prevented me from baring my feelings out that way?

Regardless, since getting home that night, anything I could say sounds so pointless. They seem empty and shallow.

What am I supposed to tell them? That I feel hurt that everyone in my life has betrayed me within the past week? How can I justifiably bring my own feelings into this when they just found out Dante, our own flesh and blood, killed dad? Killed mom? And all because they were trying to protect this family? Protect me?

If I was them...I wouldn't want to see my face ever again.

Carlo's POV:

When Emilio opens the door to let the rest of the family in, none of them look as joyous as they usually are. Grandfather isn't usually a happy person, but he looks especially stoic today. Nonna tries to put on a kind smile, but as she hugs all of us, there are tears in her eyes, "Hello, child," She says, encasing me in a hug.

I hug her back before she moves away, "Where is Madison?" She asks.

"She hasn't left her room since we returned home," Emilio says, shutting and locking the door.

Zio Alessio is speaking quietly with Zia Cecilia. They seem to have left their children back home, as it's only them. The rest of the family isn't here either, only the four of them.

Nonna seems close to falling apart, like a losing battle against falling apart. Her eyes look red, and for the first time, her age seems to be showing, the small creases by her eyes, the tinted circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep. But everyone in this family knows she would never show how she was really feeling. Grandfather puts his arms around Nonna and she allows herself to lean back on him slightly, she's trembling slightly. She lost 2 sons. 1 to the other, and the other to her grandson.

"It seems as though a lot of you are missing, where is everyone?"

"Elijah is at the warehouse, Sandro hasn't really left his office, Francesco might be in the gym, and Xander hasn't been home in days," I say. My voice is quieter than I'm used to, I haven't spoken much lately. Sandro basically told us to do what we wanted as far as school. We could go or stay home, he hasn't given much thought to anything besides whatever he's been doing in his office.

It's quiet before Zio Alessio finally speaks, sitting down on the couch stoically, "I um...I feel foolish for ever allowing this to happen," He admits, "He was my older brother, I should have realized he was-"

"Stop it," Nonna says firmly, "That's ridiculous. You couldn't have known he was going to-"

"Maybe because I never paid attention to him," He sounds like his mind is coming up with different ways this could be his fault, "He..."

"It isn't your fault, bambino," Nonna says sharply, "If anyone were to blame it'd be his parents, I just...I don't understand why he would...Why he would kill Enzo, he was...He cared about him so much. I just...I don't understand," She says.

"Can I offer you coffee?" Emilio asks.

"That'd be great, thank you," Zia Cecilia says, leading Zio Alessio into the kitchen.

"Vieni, Valentina," Grandfather says.
[roughly translates to come here]

. . .

Sandro sits at the end of the counter, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He looks exhausted, I wouldn't blame he's hardly left his office.

"I blame myself for what happened with Madison," He says, "I should have been more aware and this never would have happened."

"My child, that is simply unreasonable," Nonna puts her hands on his arms in an attempt to comfort him, but he's as tense as ever.

"And now she's hardly left her room, I don't know what we have to do," Emilio says, "She's found out about the mafia, she was just kidnapped and I..."

I stay silent, not knowing what to contribute to the conversation.

Sometimes I feel useless. Xander is the vocal twin, he's the serious twin, as far as everyone is concerned, as hot-headed as he is, he's reliable. Whenever something happens, I go with whatever he says. I've always been more comedic relief, and as much as I try to convince myself there's anything else I can do, when times like this come, or when Maddie just got here, I find myself speechless. It's ironic.

"Bring her to Aosta for Christmas," Zia Cecilia says.

Everyone's eyes go to her. She's standing behind the chair Zio Alessio is sitting in, her hands are on his shoulders, his hands are in his lap but he seems to just be staring at the wall deep in thought.

"I've raised 5 children, I have experience with this, I think a beautiful townhouse in the country could be good for her. Getting her out of the city, even just for a few days."

I'm expecting Sandro to turn it down immediately. The other day I'd heard him say how dangerous that was. Dad's enemies won't have a hard time finding us there, that immediately puts Maddie in danger, and despite it being an annual trip, I agreed with Sandro deciding it would be too dangerous this year. But when I look at him, his hand is on his jaw and he's staring intensely at the table, his jaw is tense.

"Sandro," I say unsurely.

But he doesn't even respond, "It is worth considering. Can you hold out for a response?" He asks Zia Cecilia finally, looking over at her, his eyes slightly narrow as he usually does when thinking something over.

She smiles kindly, "Of course, the offer is on the table."