My scared love

Chapter 35 The End

“Wh..What?” I ask confused and scared my heart is racing and my hands are shaking, “Zara…Zara please breathe” Oliver grabs my face and looks at me, I take a deep breath, “I…I love you kid I'm sorry” he pulls me into a hug. “I'm sorry…” he whispers and I try not to cry, he's okay, he's okay, he's strong, he's okay.

He'll be back today…it's okay I take another deep breath, "Listen the house you'll be there alone for a bit no one knows where it is i know that seems scary but its only until we find Jay, but right now we need to go…I'm sorry I know this is a lot to process so how about you get some rest while we go there” he opens the car door for me. “Yeah…Okay...i..i understand” I nod getting in the car, I put Jay's headphones on and close my eyes, he's okay…I’m okay…damn it im freaking out…im okay…. right? I can feel us moving around but my music is blasting I just want to escape this damn feeling.

Damn it Jay we shouldn't have argued when this was going on, why didn't I just tell him that I was scared for him. Fuck I won't be able to tell him... No I'll tell him when I see him later… I’ll tell him that I would rather be taken than him get hurt....I feel like someone's sitting on my chest...it's okay... please please please be okay.

I close my eyes and then open them again blinking rapidly, so I don't cry I continue repeating that same process for what feels like forever my mind won't shut up with worry, i feel a stir in my stomach. I feel so sick I need to tell him how I feel…I could've died today…he got taken and I don't even know what that means for him. I know he knows that I love him…but he needs to know how much I love him...I shouldn't have fought with him.

I close my eyes once more, and take a deep breath, all of a sudden I feel a jerk making my headphones fly off, “Oliver what the hell?!” I look around confused and I freeze, I throw my seatbelt off and throw the door open I jump out of the car and stand in front of the burning house, I look around confused and scared then my heart drops when something catches my eye.

I slowly walk up to a tree and stop abruptly a few feet away, my chest tightens and again I get full body chills I feel sick again and  fall down, everything feels numb my heart is pounding my face is on fire. My ears are ringing and my breath becomes shorter and shorter, I look up with tears in my eyes Jay's shirt that he was wearing today is bloody and ripped with a knife holding it to the tree. I start to panic my heart is racing, and I start feeling sicker.

“Zara…” I feel Oliver's hand on my shoulder, I look up at him with tears in my eyes, he looks at me and then at his phone. “I…I'm so sorry” he whispers and I shake my head rapidly “No…” I whisper and he gently squeezes my shoulder, “I…Dont know how else to tell you… he’s gone….They…They sent a picture…to Anderson” he says barely above a whisper and at that moment I felt my heart break.

“No…No..No…” I whisper shaking my head and squeezing Jay's hoodie. This can't be right!  “NO!!” I scream at the top of my lungs, this pain is like something I've never felt before I don't know what it is. This is worse than any cut I've ever got more than any bruise, more than any sprain, any broken bone this can't be right this is not how it's supposed to happen.

What is this feeling I can’t deal with this, I can feel myself start panicking, I am crying so much I can barely see what's in front of me. I feel so sick “PLEASE! NO” I scream and hit the ground. I feel Oliver’s arms wrap around me from the side but I feel no comfort I still feel so much pain. There is nothing I can feel but this unbearable pain what is this? I’ve never felt like this before, Please no… this isn't right, we only talked about death as a precaution it wasn't supposed to become true. Damn it what do I do!

I can't do this. I can't do this without him. What am I going to do? I feel my chest get tighter and my throat becomes dry my stomach hurts and all of a sudden I feel it…I suddenly throw up. “AHHHHH” I scream hitting the ground, “Let it out…let it out”  Oliver whispers and I hear his voice break, “WHY…WHY” I scream crying squeezing onto Oliver. I am shaking I just want it all to stop wake up…wake up please I beg of you.

Please somebody wake me up, this isn't right I can't do this I'm going to be all alone don't do this please wake me up. PLEASE NO DON’T DO THIS PLEASE! I CAN’T DO THIS I FINALLY FOUND MY SAFE PLACE! I CAN'T LET IT GO, IT CAN'T BE TAKEN PLEASE! I don't want to be alone…please…Jay…come back to me. I can't handle this pain…please I was too scared to let you know my love for you please I wasn't ready.

The end….