Static.
Dipper: Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, Anomaly #54: The Mailbox. (Points camera at mailbox) There it is, in the middle of the forest. No house. No address. Today, me and my team of expert...
Soos: (Walks up to the mailbox) 'Sup?
You: pelp.
Dipper: ...are gonna put a letter in and see who picks it up.
Soos: My letter posits a salient question: "Sup Dawg?" (Puts letter in mailbox)
Dipper: Now we're gonna hide behind a bush, and wait for someone to come by.
The mailbox shakes.
Soos: (Backs away) Whoa, dude!
Dipper: What the...?!
The flag raises.
Soos: Did you see that?!
Dipper: (Runs over to the mailbox) Open it!
Soos: No, you open it, dude! I'm not touching a ghost mailbox!
You were gonna walk forward but dipper pulls you back.
Dipper: Okay, okay. Here goes. (Opens the mailbox and pulls out a letter) What?!
Soos: That's not our letter, dude!
You: Woah!
Dipper: (Opens the letter) It says... (Gasps)
Soos: (Grabs the letter and holds it up to the camera) "Hello Dipper, Y/N, and Soos."
Dipper: It knows our names!
You: Cool!
Soos: What if this thing's all-knowing?
Dipper: We gotta test it.
Static.
Soos: (Holds up a letter) "What did I shave into my head this morning?" (Puts it in the mailbox)
The flag raises
Soos: (Takes letter out) "A baby duck holding a paddleball" Dude! It knew! (Takes off his hat to reveal the duck shaved into his hair)
You: pelp! (Cool)
Dipper: What?!
Soos: Ask it more questions!
Static.
Dipper: (Writing on paper) "When is the end of the world?" (Puts the paper in)
Static.
Dipper: (Reading from letter) "3012." Huh. We got a while.
Static
Soos: (Writing) "Who's my dream woman?" (Puts the letter in)
Static.
Soos: (Holding up a picture of a muscular woman) Whoa! Hot tamales! Save that one for the archives! (Puts it in his pocket)
Dipper: Uh... What is the exact time and date of my death?
Soos: (Shouting in the background) Did aliens build the pyramids?!
Dipper: Or... what is the meaning of life?
Soos: (Shouting in the background) What are marshmallows made of?!
You: what came first, the chicken or the egg?
Dipper: Or... Who wrote Journal #3?!
Soos: Who wrote the journal! Who wrote the journal! (Points at Dipper)
Dipper: We're finally gonna get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!
Mabel: (Comes up) Nifty! A mailbox! I've been wanting to mail Mom this video of me sticking 100 gummy worms up my nose! (Puts a package inside)
Dipper: No, wait!
Soos: Wait, dude!
Mabel: Slam! (Slams mailbox door)
The flag raises.
Dipper: (Takes out letter) "Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass."
The mailbox glows.
Soos: What's that?!
Dipper and Mabel: (Runs away grabbing you) AAAHH!
The mailbox collapses in on itself, then explodes in a flash of light. Static. Dipper, Mabel, you and Soos are standing in the middle of a scorched clearing.
Dipper: Well, uh, that concludes Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, where we learned when dealing with the unknown, (angrily, to Mabel) do not mail videos of you shoving gummy worms up your nose!
You: pelp? (Eats a few gummy worms)
Mabel: (Pulls out gummy worms) There's more where that came from! (Singing) Into my nose! Into my nose!
Dipper: No! No! Show over! Show over! (Covers up camera)
Static
YOU ARE READING
DERPY KIND! Gravity Falls Guide
FanfictionIt's basically the animated shorts of the guides with you in from my book "DERPY KIND!"
