Blurred Lines

9. the regret

The smell of coffee and the faint sound of dishes clinking together wake me. I stretch, alone in the empty bed. I groan as I sit up, my head throbbing. JJ's laugh fills the air as she listens to whatever Tara says. I stumble blindly into the kitchen, where I'm greeted with a cup of coffee and Advil.

"Good morning," Tara smiles. "We took the liberty of making breakfast, hope you don't mind," JJ adds as she stands by the stove. I hum in response, sitting at the counter. "God, my head," I groan. I take the pills that Tara handed me, sipping my coffee to wash them down.

"How are you doing today, Y/n?"JJ asks me. I shake my head, wincing as the pain in my head rattles me. "Ugh, still fucked up," I respond. Tara and JJ exchange a glance. "What do you remember from last night?" Tara asks.

I think back as far as I can. "Midnight Margs, dancing around the living room," I muse, "That's it." "Shit," Tara says flatly. "Yeah," JJ adds, dropping a plate of pancakes in front of me. "Why? What happened?" I ask in concern, "I didn't throw up, did I?" They laugh. "No, you didn't," JJ smiles at me.

Tara sits next to me, digging into her own stack that she drowned in syrup. "Emily came over last night to check on you," she says through a mouthful of pancakes. My heart stops. "She did?" I ask. JJ nods, "You seriously don't remember?" I wrack my poor drunken brain, trying to remember.

"Well, nothing happened," JJ tells me, "At least, if you don't count the kiss." I drop my fork to the counter with a clatter. "W-What?" I stutter. Tara grins at me, "Yeah, she dragged you into the hall to talk, and when you came back in you were pissed, ranting about how she kissed you and how you were over her." I want to crawl into a hole and die. "Wait, how do you remember all of this and I don't?" I ask them accusingly. "You were drunk when we got here," JJ chuckles. I sigh. "Right," I mutter, running a hand through my hair.

Tara bumps me with her shoulder. "So did you really mean everything you said last night?" she asks. "Well, considering I don't remember any of it, I don't know," I respond. My knee bounces erratically under the table as my mind races. There was so much that happened last night, and I am not sure how to process any of it.

"Fuck," I mutter. Tara and JJ's heads whip towards me. "What?" JJ asks in concern. "I'm going to have to write a report about last night," I tell them. What am I supposed to write? That I went undercover with my Chief, and it was so much more than that for both of us? That we both broke protocol? That she touched me in ways I've been craving for months? How am I going to explain the ten minutes where we weren't connected to the team, but to each other? That we lost sight of the goal?

"Just write what happened," JJ says, as it were that simple. "You know I can't do that," I breathe. Tara scrutinizes my face, and slowly her face dawns in recognition. "Holy shit, y/n," she gasps, "That ten minutes." I nod, my face hot. "The ten minutes," I echo. "What? What are you guys talking about?" JJ's gaze bounces between the two of us.

Tara doesn't look away from me as she says, "Option two already happened." she breaks out into a huge grin as JJ finally gets it. "OH SHIT," JJ's jaw drops, "You fucked." My face gets even hotter. "And now the whole team is going to find out," I grumble in embarrassment. "How was it? Was she good? What did you do? Did you-" I cut Tara's line of questioning off. "It wasn't supposed to happen. She said she wouldn't let it come to that, but it did," I say softly.

JJ's face furrows into concern. "Did she force you?" she asks. I shake my head slowly, "No, not at all. She was teasing me, and then one thing led to another and I..." I trail off as I remember the feeling of her fingers deep within me, "and then she got possessive, calling me hers, and I let her." My voice is a whisper, my eyes filling with unwarranted tears. I drop my head down onto the counter with a sigh.