Blurred Lines

17. the talk

I grab my headphones and play my music, closing my eyes in a vain attempt to ignore Emily pulling JJ away. No one bothers me, and for that, I am grateful. I'm left to my thoughts, which wander in every direction. I must doze off, because a gentle hand on my shoulder wakes me. I glance up to see JJ back in her seat, and Tara at my side. JJ's expression is controlled, neutral, as she glances over at me.

I pull my headphones out, asking Tara, "What's up?" She jerks her head, wanting me to follow her. I do, confused. She leads me to the back of the jet, near the coffee machine. "I just wanted to check in with you. We're about to land, and I know Emily still wants to talk to you," Tara says in a hushed tone. "Uh, yeah," I swallow nervously, "It will be fine. We kind of already had a short conversation, so hopefully everything will go back to normal once we get home."

Tara tilts her head at me. "What's normal going to look like?" she asks me. I sigh. "Honestly, I'm not sure. But as long as it means that work goes back to being fun and enjoyable without all the ridiculous tension, that's all that matters," I respond as Tara's face shifts, "My job is my life, the team is my family, and I don't want my stupid problems with the chief ruining everything good I've created here." I pause, finally recognizing the look on Tara's face. "She's behind me isn't she?" I hiss lowly.

"Yes, she is," Emily brushes past me to make a cup of coffee, her face stoic. Tara grimaces and rushes back to the rest of the team, leaving me alone with her. "Um, how much of that did you hear?" I ask Emily softly. She glances up at me from putting Splenda into her mug. "I'm glad you find it just as ridiculous and stupid as I do," she says, her gaze surprisingly soft. I duck my head, unable to look into those precious gem eyes.

"I want you in my office as soon as we get back to the BAU, understood?" she continues. I glance up at her shift in tone, and nod. Her eyes narrow as she sips her coffee, her unspoken command loud and clear. "Um, sorry," I shake my head briefly, "Yes, Ma'am." "Good." She brushes past me, stalking back to her seat. I let out a breath before heading back to my own seat.

I have to walk past Emily, and I keep my eyes trained straight ahead, feeling her gaze following me as I move past. Don't trip, don't trip. I collapse into my seat with a soft huff. "What?" I ask the three people staring at me. "Nothing," Reid automatically says. JJ simply looks down at the book she was reading, and Tara reaches for my hand. I gladly take it, grateful for the silent comfort. "Thanks, Tara," I say softly. She squeezes my hand before dropping it, giving me an encouraging smile.

When we land, Emily is, unsurprisingly, the first one off the plane. I gather my things slowly, everyone giving me side glances and murmurs of 'good luck,' and 'you got this.' I'm the last one off the plane, and when I get back to the office, I don't even put my things at my desk- I just go straight to the bathroom. I drop my things onto the floor, then lean against the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

I have no doubt in my mind I am being suspended, at the very least. I fucked up, royally. Tears burn in my eyes, and I blink rapidly. If I lose my job, I lose my family. Then again, I would never have to see Emily Prentiss again. I huff a breath, forcing my tears away. Emily fucking Prentiss. She will not see me cry. I force my tears away, and fix my hair, attempting to put on a false air of confidence.

I can only hope that by the time I get to Emily's office, the redness in my eyes will have faded. I grab my things, and drop everything off at my desk. I don't look at anybody from my team, because if I do, I have a feeling I'll either break down or leave. I force myself towards Emily's office. I glance towards her windows, and see the blinds are pulled shut. I pull my shoulders back, and take a breath before knocking on her door. It sounds a lot more sure than I feel.

"Come in," I hear her say. I don't think, I just push the door open and step into the office before I can change my mind. "Close the door," she says, not even looking up at me. I turn and glance out into the bullpen as I shut the door. Every person on my team is staring up at me. I shut the door, and breathe a soft sigh. "Y/n."