A Cutters Diary (editing)

Chapter Two

Don't ever call someone who self-harm stupid or an idiot; don't you think we already know that? It
hurts when we're told every day, some have strength enough to ignore it and not believe it but after
hearing it time after time we slowly believe it. You break that person even more by saying that. They
might just snap by that one little comment, I know I do. If you want to help just listen when they talk
to you even if you can't help just giving that person a hug with help. You have no idea what we put
up with in this society.

I already know I'm a failure no need to tell me! So what if I don't do what you tell me, can't you see
how much I'm hurting on the inside or is this fake smile seem to realistic. Should I drop the happy act
and let you see how I really feel? I'm broken, lost, and just over this. The one time I'll ever drop with
is act is when I'm finally feed up with life, and then you still won't see it. You'll only see what I did
and how badly it really affected me, How life has really pushed me too far. All I've really ever wanted
is for you to understand me. I just want you to HELP me. But I guess that will never happen....

My mum saw the cuts on my arm, she wasn't happy. She's making me see a doctor but I don't want
to. I'm scared he'll put me away; my father was the one to find my blades. He won't talk to me. I
want to break down crying or cut again even though I know it will upset them more I can't help it, it
takes away my pain. The doctor will judge me; I know it they all do. They say they know what it's like
but really have they ever cut open their skin and smile at the blood that drips down their arm. Have
they felt the need to cut every day? I don't see how anyone will ever love me. Covered in scars so
why not add to the collection. Right now I would cut open my arm and not care what happened to
me. I cut my arm open 59 times the other night; you want to know how many scars cover my body?

51 left leg
59 right
7 tummy
80 right arm
12 left arm
28 right hand

that makes it 237 all over my body, I want more.

Yea I know I promised you I wouldn't do it again but how can’t I not. I want more than just the faint
pain I feel from my past cuts I want to feel the blood drip down my arm, I want to feel my skin
ripping and splitting apart. I love how it feels; it makes me smile and makes me feel good. I know if
cut where you can’t see you’ll think I’m getting better and you’ll leave alone. But I’m worried this
doctor tomorrow will send me away to some hospital where they won’t let me smile... I worried he'll
take away my tools and my freedom. I guess tonight is the last time I can cut but I better do it where
you won’t find it. Say good bye to my freedom and hello to my insane mental hell.

I’m losing myself right now; I don’t know what’s going on in my head. It’s quite but still telling me to
cut. I want it to stop; I miss the thoughts of hatred for myself. What am I going to do if my doctor
does send me away....? I will feel like this all the time, I feel lost, not myself. It scares me to feel like
this, how do you all deal with this.
I honestly don’t see myself alive in five years, I see myself dead and only a few people ever caring or remembering me.