Our Secret

Chapter 6

Blue Ivy's Pov

     "Let's run back the last eight count," I asked Amari. She simply nodded her head and got into position. 

     I've been focusing on dancing a lot more since Jayden came back, It's my way of coping I guess. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that Jayden is alive and okay but a part of me is mad that she didn't come back sooner. She said she stayed away to protect us but we can hold our shit down so why didn't she come back sooner? It's been YEARS and so much has changed. I changed. Mom changed. We all changed. Hell the twins are in school now, she missed so much and that hurt all of us. 

     "Ivy you're dancing sloppy, hit it again," Amari sighed. This is why I dance. It takes my mind off of my whirlwind of emotions. 

     "Again Ivy,"

     I danced. 

     "Run it back Ivy"

     I danced. 

     "Ag-" Amari started. 

     "Mari I'm not in the mood for this," I sighed as I walked to get some water. 

     "Ivy we have a show tomorrow and you know you're not on your A game," She argued. 

     "Well maybe if I'm not on my A game then I shouldn't have to keep hitting the same stupid eight count," I sassed back. 

     "Watch your tone Ivy," She shot back. "You're not grown so you need to watch your tone pookie, especially if you still want to preform tomorrow,"

     I slid down the wall and put my head in my hands. I had been at this for hours. It was the perfect distraction at first but after a few hours and fuck ups everything just started building up. I can't get out of my head. When I can't get out of my head I start fucking up the choreo so I have to figure this out before the show tomorrow. I felt a presence on the floor beside me.

     "Talk to me Ivy what's on your mind?"

     I want to talk to somebody about this, no I NEED to talk to somebody about this but I can't. It puts us all in danger. Plus I'm so scared if I talk to somebody about this they'll say I'm selfish and that I should be glad that she's back which I am. 

     "Hypothetically speaking, what would you do in a situation where you had a freind. You guys were super close and spent every day together, but one day that had to leave." I whispered. "But then they came back after a few years saying they left to protect you,"

     "It depends on what they're trying to protect you from," She said, putting protect you in air quotes. 

     Think of somthing. 

     "Ummm I don't actually know," I lied as she glanced at me. 

     "Well is sounds like this person is scared of facing some issues and ran away from you. You have to talk to them about it Ivy,"

     "But what if they don't want to listen?"

     "You can't preach to the deaf Ivy," She sighed while standing up. "Now is that what was on your mind all practice?"

     I simply nodded my head and stood up. Mari is right, maybe we do need to talk about this. I have some feelings I've been pushing back and if I want to fix this then I need to talk to Fluffy about it. I breathed out all my stresses and asked Amari to run back the eight counts. I hit it perfectly.

~

     I walked back into the penthouse and flopped onto the floor. Since we were in Canada now we stayed in one of mama's penthouses she had for vacations. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I'm so tired but not even from practice, but from thinking. I finished off practice well but on the ride home is when the thoughts broke through my distractions. I didn't want to talk to Mama about it because she's so happy that Jayden's back and I didn't want to affect that.

     Why did everything get so hard once Jayden left? I felt things I've never felt before. When she died I was numb for so long, but I had to be strong for the twins and mama. Then when Mama started being able to function again she threw herself into making the album so I did too. Then I started middle-school and things changed. I started to feel super anxious or sad for no reason. Some nights I would cry because I missed Jayden. Some nights I would hear everyone's thoughts and get overwhelmed. I told mom about it and she's been helping, but I don't want to overwhelm her with everything. Then I started dancing again and that made things better. Next thing I know I'm helping mom plan a world tour and I'm preforming in it. After a while I didn't really have time to process everything because I was so busy. Just when I thought everything was okay again she came back and so did all the emotions. 

    I'm not sure how long I laid on the floor before Rumi came into my room and told me that mom said dinner was here. I told her to tell mom I was going to shower first cause I felt musty. I dragged myself into my bathroom and jumped in the shower and tried to snap myself back into reality before dinner, I didn't need mom stressing out about me. I stepped out of the shower and dried off and threw on some sweats and a tour hoodie. I walked to the living room to see mom on the courch curled up with Jayden and the twins watching  some cartoon. 

     "What's for dinner Ma?" I asked while I got a plate down from the cabinet.

     "Chicken and Shrimp Alfredo," She yelled from her spot on the couch. I found the pan with the food in the oven staying warm. I only got a little bit of food, I wasn't feeling very hungry. 

     I walked back into the living room and curled up on the other couch and watched tv while I began to eat. I think I recognize the show the twins are watching, I think it's something about Moongirl?

     "How was practice Smallz?" Jayden asked from her spot on the couch. I just gave her a thumbs up as I continued to eat my food. All of a sudden this food is ten times more interesting than the awkward conversation. 

     "What was good about it?" She probed. 

     "I got to hang out with Mari," I responded. I glanced over and saw a pang of hurt in her eyes. Why is she hurting? I'm the one that got left alone for three years. I went back to eating my dinner. 

     "What did you and Mari do?" She asked again. 

     "We danced," I flatly stated while looking Jayden in the eyes. 

     "What's with the attitude Smallz?" Jayden finally asked. "I thought practice was good but you're here giving me attitude and ion like that"

     I rolled my eyes and stood up to put my dishes away. I quickly and angrily washed them as I stormed off to my room which was free of the problem asking what the problem is. I was approaching my door as Jayden appeared in front of me looking pissed. 

     "Can you please get out of my way?" I calmly asked, fighting the angry tears welling in my eyes. 

     "What's the issue Ivy," She asked. I went to move her out the way but she caught my arm and placed it back by my side. Her eyes flickered as she stared at me. 

     "We need to talk,"

Author's Note

Comment!! I love hearing your guys' thoughts and opinions! They really make my day. And besides, they may influence how the story goes. It's happened once and it may happen again.....

Stay fresh cheesebags <3