enemy to doctor - the hating game

26 - pre-surgery

I wheeze at the burning sensations and try to put all my effort into not twisting away from Patrick's hands.

"Almost done. Bear with me."

I clench my eyes shut and clamp my hand around Josh's who is switching worried glances between whatever Patrick is doing and me.
Patrick sprays something onto the scar and I automatically pull my legs up to my chest. It feels like thousand tiny little needle stings and I groan in discomfort.

"Done. The burning should stop soon and then I'll cover the wound with tape stripes instead of bandaging."

Patrick gets back up and collects the medical supplies, disposes of some and packs the rest away into the bag he brought.

"Get some rest. Drink a lot of water and use the bathroom before the procedure. Josh will take care of the rest and bring you downstairs later."
He turns back around with a warm smile before leaving the room.

"Uh- what about my-"

Josh interrupts me.

"Looks like I'll be doing it again. You're fine with that?"

I scoff a laugh.

"You ask me if I'm fine with that? Josh. I let you put about one hundred needles into my body and you think I wouldn't let you do that?"

For a second he looks surprised but when I mockingly lift my right eyebrow he pushes his lips into a straight line and simply accepts my answer.

"You should try to get some sleep in. Do you think you can? Or do you want a sedative?", his eyes are fixated on the roll of tape he's struggling to find the stripe on while.

"I'll try", I relax every muscle in my body and close my eyes shut "but I can't promise."

Josh doesn't react and simply starts tending to the taping. He is extremely careful and I barely feel a thing, leading me to starting to drift off into that comfortable little space between awakeness and sleep. I only realize the stop of movement and how shortly afterwards the warm blanket envelops me again. The lights are being switched off and by the time I feel weight on the mattress next to me, I'm sleeping.

"Wake up Lucy."

I am being pulled out of my dream by a caressing and warm hand on my head and after a few more seconds I manage to open my eyes.
The second I focus in on Josh's face, reality comes crashing down like a thunderstorm.

"It's time, isn't it?", I whisper and try to clear my senses from the nervousness and fear.

He simply nods.

My hands tremble as Josh gently takes them in his, his eyes filled with concern.

"Lucy, I need to be honest with you about the possible risks of the laparoscopy. It's our duty to inform you, but I want you to know that I'm here for you every step of the way."

The word "risks" echoes in my mind, sending shivers down my spine.

"What if something goes wrong, Josh?"

I can feel panic rising, drowning out everything else. In that moment, he pulls me into a comforting embrace, his warmth a lifeline.

"Hey, it's completely normal to feel scared. I want you to know that we're doing everything in our power to keep you safe. There's a small chance of complications like bleeding or infection, but I need you to trust me and the team. I don't want to give you any more concerns but I had to inform you of the risks as we're being your doctors right now and it's legally prescribed to us."

He runs a hand through my hair and pulls me closer against his chest.

"The risks are them same as in every other surgery. I promise you'll be fine."

I know that he is right. And I trust him. But the panic and fear are so palpable, so prevalent inside of my aching chest that I feel like I'm going to pass out any second. I cling to him, the weight of uncertainty continuing to press down on me.

"I don't know if I can do this, Josh. What if I-", my voice retreats to a whisper "don't make it through?"

His touch is reassuring as he lifts my chin, locking eyes with mine. "Lucy, you are stronger than you think. I've seen your resilience. We're not doing this alone, we're a team. I'll be right by your side, holding your hand through every moment. Your safety is our top priority, and I'll do everything to ensure you get through this."

His words penetrate the haze of fear, and I tighten my grip on him, finding some kind of solace in his promise.

"I know", I whimper "and I do trust you with every piece of me. But I just can't turn of the panic- I feel like it's going to eat me alive any second."

I breathe a few times and focus on Josh's heartbeat against my back. I barely feel his hand moving over my upper body to my left arm and when I'm about to ask him what he is doing he has already lifted my sleeve.
A sharp gasp escapes my lips as an unexpected sting pierces my arm. I groan and squirm but he holds me tight, shushing me as the needle remains in the same place.
Panic surges through me, and I instinctively clutch onto Josh, my eyes widening in surprise.

"Why... what did you just...", I stammer, my voice trailing off as a sudden warmth spreads through my veins.

My surroundings blur, and a strange calm washes over me.

Josh's gaze holds a mix of concern and reassurance. "Lucy, I gave you a tranquilizer to help calm your nerves. You were in distress, and this will make the process a bit easier for you."

In the tranquil haze, I manage to murmur, "How did you...? I didn't even notice the needle, Josh."

I'm not even able to get mad at him. I will later. Let's just hope I don't forget.

He meets my gaze with a gentle smile. "I had it ready because, well, I expected something like this. I wanted to ease your anxiety."

I groan in response but don't subject to his answer as the tranquilizer is taking its full effect right now. It feels like a blanket has been spread over my panic, like water to the fire raging inside of me.
I let all of my weight sack against Josh who gently places me back down and retreats to my side.

"Just going to check your heart and pulse okay?"

I nod, my senses so foggy that I would be unable to say no to being shoved out of the window right now.

Nevertheless, I manage to open my eyes and watch Josh with the stethoscope first and then with his eyes on his watch while his fingers press down on my pulse at the side of my neck.

"Perfect. Let's get you on the stretcher and downstairs."

Next thing I know is that Josh lifts me and places me on a stretcher to the side of my bed that certainly was not there before.
He spreads a blanket over me, then kisses my forehead gently.
Then we make our way towards the operation room.

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Next chapter is going to (at least partially) be a POV from Josh!

It's getting interesting once agaaaaaaaain...

What's going to happen next ;)?