enemy to doctor - the hating game

38 - trypanophobia

I almost fall asleep right there and then.
Almost.
I definitely could from how exhausted I am but the dread doesn't leave my stomach.
Josh realizes my state of mind and tries to take my stress away by softly caressing my back.
He moves his hand under my shirt, holds me tight with the left arm and then runs soothing caresses down my skin.
He starts massaging me carefully and I groan in delight.

"You enjoying this?", he quietly asks and presses a kiss to the top of my head.

"Yeah", I rasp and melt into the loving embrace.

We remain in the same position and I take my time to clear my mind from the fear and replace it with rationality.
My breathing normalizes and I press one hand to Josh's chest, feeling his heartbeat.

"There you go. You're doing so great Luce."

His voice is the definition of calmness and he presses another kiss to my temple.
Slowly, his hand wanders down my back and settles on my hip.

"Does it still hurt?"

"I don't know.", I answer, thinking about the puncture sites created by yesterdays injections.

"Okay. Let me go prepare everything real quick and then we'll settle you down in the most comfortable position and go your pace."

Josh shifts behind me and I reluctantly let go of his shirt.
He gets out from behind me and settles me back down onto the mattress. His absence leaves my skin cold and my pulse increasing.

"Remember, you've been through way worse. This is nothing in comparison, love."

He walks over to the other side of my bed and I refuse to watch as he takes the tray and comes back to my side. The only thing telling him away is the metallic clinking of the tray.
He sits back down and places it to his right, in a way that I can't see it.
His hands embrace my body as he places himself behind me again. Then he spreads his legs and pulls me in between them.
My head rests on top of his chest and I am slightly turned sideways, my hands resting on his stomach and thigh. We move around for a few seconds until I am comfortable and Josh can pull me close.
The silence is deafening and I cling to him as if he were my lifeline. We both know what is about to happen.

"I can hear your breathing increase, love. Relax. Take a good few breaths. I'm just going to check the placement, not doing anything yet."

I listen to his words and will my heart to slow. As soon as a pair of hands meets my hip and my shirt is being pulled up, I push my face into Josh's chest and clamp my hand around his stomach.

"Shhh. You're all fine. Everything's perfectly fine.", carefully he starts palpating the skin on my hip after having pulled my pants down a few inches.
"Does any of this hurt?"

I wait for the pain but only feel slight pressure.

"No. It doesn't hurt."

A tiny bit of a weight falls off my chest.

"That's already very good."

He presumes to press down on a few more places and then pulls my shirt back down to cover the free skin.
His hand finds it's way into my hair and he gently massages my scalp and neck.

"Here's what we're gonna do.", he whispers into my ear.
"I'll clean the area and then I'll tell you when to take a few big breaths. If you feel like you need more time, you squeeze my arm."

He guides me into placing my hand on his upper arm.

"After the first one, we'll give you a break. Don't hesitate on telling me to go slower okay? Your pace Luce."

I nod and close my eyes, awaiting the impending situation.
A few seconds pass until Josh lifts my shirt again and cold air hits the few inches of exposed skin. Josh is almost entirely seated and leaned against the headboard which gives him easy access to my hip from the current position.

"This might be a little cold..."

I flinch as the spray hits my skin. A few seconds later I hear latex gloves snapping over skin and a cotton brushes over the disinfected skin.

"Okay, Lucy. You're going to feel a sharp scratch and then some pressure. I'll do it as fast as possible. Promise."

My breath starts hitching and I push myself closer to Josh.

"Here we go... 3...2...1"

The needle stings through my skin and pushes deep down into my muscle. I tense and whimper heavily.

"Shh, shh. Almost there. Just a little more...", he delivers a last small push to the injection and I clamp my hand around his arm.

"Big pressure now. Breathe Shortcake." 

I do and endure the feeling of the drug being administered. It seems to take forever and I groan and feel tears making their way into my eyes.

"And.... Done.", a sharp pain signalizes me that the needle is out.
I sigh in relief.

With one hand Josh presses a cotton onto the puncture site while he rubs my back with the other.

"All done. You did so great, love."

I lift my head from his chest and look up, right into Josh's face. He smiles down at me and plants a kiss onto my head.

"Did the numbing cream help somewhat?"

I furrow my eyebrows.

"You used it?"

Josh sighs.

"I guess that's my answer."

I groan and let my head fall back down onto his chest. We remain in the same position while I try to ignore the pain in my hip.

"It hurts. More than yesterday.", I finally admit. Josh pulls me closer and lays a calming hand onto the aching spot.

"I know. I'm sorry Lucy. I'll get you some ice to subsidize the pain after the second one."

I immediately tense at his words and strengthen my grip around his waist.

"Let's get this over with. Can you try to turn over to the other side?"

I shakily nod my head and move to lay on my left side. Again, Josh gives me the time to get comfortable and places my hand on his arm. Then he applies a bigger amount of the numbing ointment onto my skin and we wait for a few minutes.

"Josh?"

"Yes, Lucy?"

"Why does it hurt so much?"

Josh noticeably tenses behind me.

"It's because of the drug, love. There's some, like the ones out of most usual vaccines that you barely feel but this one is a little different. I can't tell you more than that but if you'd like to, you could ask my brother tomorrow."

I barely react, simply nod my head once and sink back into Josh's embrace. I just want to get this over with finally.

"You ready hun?"

I think for a second but then remind myself. "Yeah, go ahead.", I whisper.

It's not better than the last time. As soon as the needle breaks my skin I quiver and Josh immediately wraps his arm closer around me.

"Try not to tense, love, you're almost done."

Easier than said. It takes him longer this time to administer the shot and I slump in relief as the needle retreats. Josh's shirt shows a wet spot, caused by my tears and I swiftly brush the remaining stains from my face while Josh stops the bleeding and then pulls my pants back up and shirt back down.

"I'm so proud of you. Everything's done. You can relax and go to sleep now, Lucy. No more pain."