Keeping Her 18+ (Her Series book three)

Alex

"Wake up sleepy butt, it's time for breakfast." I run my fingers through William's soft hair and kiss his chubby cheek as I try to wake him up. I hate he has to get up so early with me for work, but he's at an age where it doesn't bother him too much. For now, it's the best I can do.

I'm struggling. I'm doing my best to provide for the both of us but it isn't easy. Nothing about our circumstances have been easy in the least, but I don't let it break me down. I can't. I don't regret keeping him, I couldn't, I would sacrifice everything for my little man. But it would be a lie if I said there haven't been times when I wondered if he would have had a better life if I had given him up for adoption.

Some nights, after working myself to the bone just to put a little food on the table, the mom guilt creeps in and crushes me. I'll stay up all night imagining a life where he's with a family that can afford to provide an abundance of necessities for him. Instead of being stuck with a mom who has to work herself to the bone and is exhausted all the time. Instead of a mom who has no support system. Instead of a mom who moves him from place to place constantly just to keep a roof over his head. But he's my little bean, my baby, and call it selfish if you want, but no one could ever love him as much as I do. I might not be able to spoil him like he deserves, and we might struggle, but he always has what he needs. He's never without. I'll gladly sacrifice my own happiness and needs to ensure he's taken care of. I'm his mother, that's what I'm supposed to do.

The moment the doctor cut him from my stomach and placed him in my arms I made a vow. A vow to always love and cherish my little man no matter what. A vow to always put him first. A vow to do whatever it takes to make sure he's happy and healthy in life. A vow that I almost wasn't able to keep until two weeks ago when a kind woman named Ann stopped and offered me a job and a place to live.

William and I were on our way from Georgia to Arizona, after a string of unfortunate events, when my car finally broke down on the highway in Texas. I was standing there on the side of the road with him in my arms while tears streamed down my face like a river when Ann pulled over and asked me if we were okay. I lost it. I sobbed my heart out while this woman simply held me and let me cry on her shoulder. She waited until the tears finally dried and then she offered me a job waitressing at her diner and a place to live. All without any strings attached. It was a true miracle. We've been in GaleTown, Texas, for about two weeks now, and I've never felt more at ease. For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I'm able to breathe without the weight of a boulder sitting on my chest. It's not perfect, but we're finally on our way to getting there.

After getting William and myself dressed, we descend the outside stairs from our apartment, and I use the keys Ann gave me to unlock the diner. It's early, about five in the morning, so we have about twenty minutes before the early risers arrive for their breakfast.

"Sit right here for mommy while I go get everything ready." I tell William as I place him in the booth in the far corner. He rubs his eyes with his tiny fist, trying to rub the sleep away, and gives me a tiny smile.

"Otay, mommy." I love the way he butchers pronunciations. He's three, almost four, but he's big for his age. He's about the size of a five year old, but he still sounds like a three year old. Whenever I'm off work I usually sit with him for about an hour, or however long I can hold his attention, and we practice reading and talking. He'll be starting kindergarten next year when he turns five, and I don't want him to be behind just because I can't afford to put him in preschool or daycare.

I leave him in the booth while I turn on the kitchen appliances for when the cooks arrive, that way everything is ready to go. He's got his coloring books and crayons out and is busy with those while I get the coffee started. Harold, the cook, arrives a few minutes later and gives William a high five on his way to the kitchen.

"Morning, Alex, you ready for today?" He asks me as he fixes himself a cup of coffee while I get the silverware ready.

"Ready as I can be." I give him a tired smile.

"The little one keeping you up at night? You look exhausted, hun." He raises a brow as a worried look crosses his face. Harold is a sweet old man. He's about sixty years old, and should be retired somewhere on the lake, fishing his days away, but he enjoys keeping busy and working. He truly cares about people and makes me wonder how great life would have turned out if I had a father like him.

"He's not too bad. He's going through a growth spurt right now, so he's more fussy at bedtime than usual, but it will pass soon." William suffers from the same growing pains I did growing up. Whenever I was hitting a growth spurt, my legs would ache something fierce during the night. Usually a warm bath and a gentle massage around his knees and ankles help soothe it enough for him to fall asleep.

"I don't mean to be nosy, but what about his father? You need help, hun. I can tell just from looking at you how worn out you are." I try not to let his words hurt, but it's hard. I know I look run down. I get very little sleep and I've been running on survival mode for years now. I know Harold doesn't mean it in a nasty way, though, so I give him a small smile and do my best to shake the feeling off.

"He's not in the picture." I wince at the angry look on his weathered face.

"That ain't right. A boy needs his father. A man who abandons his son ain't worth nothing."

"He didn't abandon him. He doesn't even know he exists. It's all very complicated, but I'm sure if he knew about William he would want to be in his life." Maybe, hopefully, wishful thinking probably. The Wilder I thought I knew would have been overjoyed to have a son. Then again, I never truly knew him to begin with.

"You haven't told him?" He raises a bushy brow as he looks at me with a penetrative gaze.

"Like I said, it's complicated. I don't know where he is or how to find him." I shrug my shoulders as I place the rolled up silverware in the cupholder and then go about straightening up the menus. I don't want to be rude to Harold, he's too nice, but I really don't want this conversation to continue. I've pushed thoughts of WIlder out of mind as much as possible over the years. It hurts too badly when I think about him.

"Okay. Well, if you ever need any help with the little guy you know Ann or I would be honored to step in. You're a great mother, Alex, you don't have to do everything on your own, hun."

"Thanks, Harold. That's really kind of you." I give him an appreciative smile and he grunts before heading to the kitchen. Everyone in this little town that we've come across so far has been nothing but kind and welcoming, and William has quickly worked his way into Ann and Harold's hearts. He's a fantastic kid, so it's not hard to do.

I place an order of grits and eggs for William before heading back over to where he's silently coloring. He has to sit here for a few hours until Ann gets here to take him to the park or up to our apartment, and I know it bores him. He's three, no three year old likes to sit still for longer than a few minutes. Whenever he gets bored with coloring he starts to get fussy, but by then it's time for Ann to show up. Hopefully one day soon I can afford for him to go to the preschool in town Ann was telling me about.

I check in on him and kiss the top of his head when Harold announces William's breakfast is ready. I go to the little kitchen window to grab the order when I hear the bell above the door chime, telling me the first customer has arrived.

"Be with you in a sec. Sit anywhere you like!" I yell out as I thank Harold and grab the tray.

I'm holding the tray in my hands as I turn around to head back over to William when I notice a man sitting in the booth with his back turned towards me. I hurry over to see who's sitting with my son when I come to a dead stop.

I feel my heart stop for a second and shock renders me paralyzed as I see a face I never in a million years thought I would see again staring back at me.

"Wilder." Is all I manage to say in a barely there whisper.