long gone (save me from this hell)

grand arrival.

the domestic violence advocate
dropped me off at the youth shelter
and told me to call if i needed any help
following up with the protection order

it made me grimace
i didn't want to think
about something like that
but it should be done
shouldn't it?

regardless
here i am

right where he abandoned me
with a condescending smirk

these are the streets persistently mocked
by all the incredibly privileged white people
i morphed myself into pleasing
with little success at the end of each attempt
they talked down on people
bundled up
pushing carts of their belongings
standing outside my dorm window
in front of brick buildings in blizzards
with needles and shaking hands

stay away from people
with hoodies
who walk by you too quickly
those dope fiends
some of them fifteen years old
scum of the earth
society would be better off
without them polluting the city

that's what i heard
and now

a guy waves a dime bag to his friends
as he walks by me

i can sense his eyes are lacking of something
but i cannot put my finger on it
not yet

he possesses the kind of gaze
that won't care what horror
crosses his field of vision
because nothing can be worse
than what he's already seen

and my first thought is

what is going to happen to me here?