The Ashen Keeper

Chapter 68

She gently took hold of Wanda's hands. She could still sense a blank in her soul. But just as she took hold of her hands, emotions begun swirling around her.

"My little one, I do not blame anyone for falling in love with anyone. I do realize that thy feelings are beyond thou'st control. But I'm afraid I will have to decline. I do apologize for that."

The feelings that stirred went blank once again.

"Ha ha ha. There is no need to apologize, teacher. It is not your fault. If there was, it is only mine. Please forget these feelings. After all, even you have people you love."

She started laughing but even without knowing her emotions, one could easily see the void in her eyes. She reckoned that must have felt like an arrow to the heart. She gradually let go of her hand.

"I will admit that I did have feelings for one I used to assist be he is no more and even if he could come to me one more time, I do not wish to convey it for I no longer harbors them.

My feelings are fleeting like all other things. Even if I let go of thy hands, I am sure there will be more hands to hold onto."

Wanda leaned into her lap as she lay down. She still held feelings of that regard but seek comfort that she would give to anyone. Now, she was less a woman confessing her love and more a student by her master's side seeking advice.

"Sure, there are other hands to hold but they touch my fingertips and not my soul. Only you can do that. I feel sad, teacher. I was of the least help. If anything, I was a burden. A nuisance. I could accomplish nothing without you, teacher."

"Being successful, being unsuccessful ... Even if no one loves thee, even if no one praises thee. Just being alive now ... it's great enough.

Thou needn't try to accomplish anything for anyone. Not even me. Just be being alive, let thy lonely soul be filled with pride.

'How does it feel to be alive today?' Thou can ask any being with a smile. That is enough, isn't it? After all, everything shall end in death."

She laughed softly at this as her head was lying down on her lap.

"Teacher, if death is just the end, what is the point?"

"The point of what my dear?"

"Living. We might just as well kill ourselves."

"Hmm ... Wanda doth thou enjoy movies?"

"I do enjoy sitcoms but why do you ask teacher?"

"If someone pointed out that the sitcom thy enjoy will end eventually, will thou think that there is no point in watching it and turn it off?"

"No, because I want to know what happens."

"My dear Wanda, life is the biggest mystery waiting to be uncovered. Could thou predict in thy tender age that we would now be sitting on another planet discussing about life?"

"But I can keep watching sitcoms again and again."

"Well, that is exactly why I believe life to be precious because no being can experience it again. Even eternal beings like Alduin experience things for the first time only once.

Even if they live on to the end of time, they will never experience the feeling of 'first' again. Never.
If it makes thee feel better, thou art free to believe in an afterlife. I doth not know whether it exists or not. It might be true or not.

But thou shall realize that one day, thou will not be around forever. I believe that is what makes life so ... magical."

"Do you not long for death, teacher. Does the beings of your homeland not long for death?"

"Oh, my dear Wanda. It is indeed true that people seek the comfort of death in the horrors of life but there are as many comforts in life as there are horrors in death.

One day, thou shall eat thy last meal.

One day, thou shall smell flowers for the last time.

One day, thou shall take thy last step.

One day, thou shall hug thy mother for the last time.

One day, thou shall experience happiness for the last time.

One day, thou shall experience the pain of sadness for the last time.

One day, thou shall take thy breath for the last time.

And one day, people shall remember thee one last time before they too, disappear in the long flow of the river of time. The problem lies in the fact that thou will not realize that tis the last day thou walk under the waking sun before lying in the darkness of Earth forever.

And that is why I suggest anyone to do things they love with passion. One day or day one.
Treasure the few years thou have got because there is all that is. That is all that will be."

"Those are very depressing words, teacher."

She smiled slightly at that as her fingers slipped over to her lips. Holding the corner of her lips, she forced a smile on her disciple.

"Those are merely the truth my dear Wanda and I believe anyone should know it. And did thou listen to what I just said? Thou should smile some more."

"How can I keep my smile when I just got rejected by one, I love with all my heart? How can I smile when listening to your words, teacher?"

"Thou aren't this way because of mine words. Thou listen too much to the voice of thy surroundings. Thy society tells thee that thou ought to feel sad about death. Mine society tells me to feel happy about death."

She pointed at her disciple's heart.

"Thou ought to listen to the voice from within. The world is too noisy. Don't listen. Don't mind.
Thou hath a mind of thy own for a reason. Use it and just look forward to the future.

After all, these are things yet to come. Thou may get over me one day. Maybe it was just a fleeting love. But, whatever it maybe, do not dwell on it longer than necessary, my little one."
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[Wanda POV]

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To tell the truth teacher, I did not think that my feelings would be reciprocated from the very start.

You have someone else that you may want to be with, or you may not.

No matter what it is, I am satisfied just being near you. Furthermore, I simply wish you to be happy no matter what. Aftar all, teacher don't seem to be the type of person to be selfish.

But ... completely giving up on the one you love isn't ... really possible.

From the moment I fell in love, I should have kept my distance. If I kept silent, I could stay close though I may never get a response.

Now, she has told me everything. Everything's back to normal. I ask a question and she answer. Thor acts ignorant and Loki will still have his arrogant attitude.

Indeed, everything is just as it should be.

It's just ... a bit more ... painful.