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Maceon wrapped his arm around my head, holding my jaw with his hand, kissing me repeatedly
I smiled, kissing back with every kiss he gave me, I wasn't feeling my best though
"You straight?" He asked from behind me as we stood in the bathroom
"I don't feel good." I admitted
"Why? What's wrong?" He picked me up, putting me on the counter and stood in between my legs
"I don't know." I said, getting emotional
He got ahold of my face, looking at me and I immediately broke down
"Bae, talk to me." His face turned soft, wiping my tears away
"Maceon, it's just..." I sighed, breathing heavy
"This is my first time being a mom and I'm just not enjoying it when I should."
"I don't like the baby weight at all and of course my body is going through postpartum and it's just so much. On top of that, the depression. I want to be the best mom I can be and should be, but I can't." I said with my head down, tears falling in my lap
"I love Summer so much, but I didn't think it was gonna be like this. I just wanna go far away and sleep my life away, but I can't do that. I have a whole child out here and it's eating me up."
"Like am I built for this? And it's not even like I can debate on it, I have to be built for this. I have no choice because my baby girl needs me regardless." I vented
"And it's like I'm not enjoying anything. Without you here, I don't know where me or Summer would be. I'm a whole train wreck right now, like for real." I said, crying even more
"Aight, calm down. Calm down." He said, rubbing my back
"Take a breath assum, I understand. It's go'n be okay, remember that this shit temporary. I got you through this, come on and let's go lay down." He said before picking me up, making me wrap my legs around him
"You wanna feed her?" He asked
The questions he asked ran through my head. He was continuously asking me if I wanted to do something for my baby
It was crazy that I had to be asked that, the guilt came all over again. I remembered what Ms. Tory told me at our most recent therapy session though
I took a deep breath in and out, soothing myself before looking at me. "Yeah." I nodded
He went and got her as I laid down in bed, getting comfortable. He came with her and I looked at him before he handed her off
"Can you help me take my shirt off?" I asked him, then lifted my arms with Summer in my lap
Maceon took my white shirt off and I picked Summer up again, straddling her and she took a second to latch on by placing her hands on my breast
I had an abdominal binder wrap around my stomach. "Can you pass me the heating pad?"
