coming undone! | gayeon

chapter 9

Jiseok felt worse and worse. After their penultimate concert and lots of drinks with his bandmates, he couldn't let his thoughts evaporate from his body. He felt Gunil's eyes on him all the time; he was eating him up with them, probably mad at him due to the big portions of alcohol that made their way to his lips.

He wasn't even taking part in any of the conversations, he just nodded along to their words, and with his back leaned against the wall, he smoked some cigarettes that Tina had placed on the table. No one tried to engage him in the talks as well; they frankly didn't care. Gaon was in an untypical state now, but they knew (or at least thought) that it was just because of the rumours.

They understood that it had to be hard for him now as they were meeting lots of fans, and even some of them deliberately avoided him when he was making a speech, some staring at him as if he had murdered their family, some booing at him, and some screaming as if they didn't know about anything.

It was destroying him from the inside; his gaze was even more distant than ever, and knowing that he couldn't do anything to clear his good name didn't help him one bit. And the way Jooyeon lied to him at the university.

It hurt him the most.

He couldn't understand what the reason was behind this behaviour. Was he that bad? Did he really deserve such punishment? He was already suffering very terribly.

In this state, his body was pushed into action by his emotions rather than his mind. The meeting was coming to an end, or maybe it wasn't, but he walked out of it without thinking for a second about where to head.

He was well aware of whose house was a few blocks from here. He'd been there several times before, each time feeling the comfort spreading through him. Now he didn't know what was clutching at his stomach.

It might have been anger, longing, or even grief.

On his shaky legs, it felt as if the journey would take him ages, so the moment he stood in front of the building's door, he felt as if he had already achieved something.

He pressed the door handle, hesitated, and knocked on it a few times. He didn't want to look like he was being pushy. He didn't have to wait for long, which made his stomach squeeze even more unmercifully.

"Jooyeon," he whispered. The vision was too blurry; he couldn't tell if the boy was smiling at him or furrowing his brows with the biggest disgust ever, but he was sure it was him standing in front of him. He could see it by the curves of his body and the way one of his legs was bent in the knee while the other was carrying his whole weight.

"You are drunk, Jiseok," he stated, crossing his arms. It made the rockstar giggle. He saw Jooyeon do something with his hair; he ran his fingers through it, suddenly reminding Gaon of how much he loved touching it. The fluffiness and messiness were his favourite parts of these adorable locks.

"I came to you," he tilted his head left, peeking inside his house. He couldn't decipher much, he wasn't good at guessing. Everything felt too ethereal to him.

"As if I haven't realised," the younger scoffed, and with his eyes, he scanned Jiseok from head to toe. He was a walking chaos; he looked as if he had gone through a hurricane, as his clothes were rather crumpled and dirty.

He was wondering if he had fallen while getting here, and first of all, most importantly, why was he even here? Jiseok looked vaguely pitiful with those big eyes and a reversed smile on his lips.

"Do you mind if I come in?" he spoke up eventually after staring at Jooyeon. His hands were shaky, and all of a sudden, he even seemed lost to the boy in the doorframe. "Joo..." Jiseok whispered. It was breaking his heart.