coming undone! | gayeon

chapter 18

Jiseok had debated making the video with both Jooyeon and Tina, he was persistent. He wanted to back out of the plan but he was unsuccessful. They persuaded him to do that for there was no time to change the plans already and it seemed like the only way out. Of course, only if Jiseok wanted to stop these obnoxious rumours.

So here he was now, sitting in front of some camera in Jungsu's quickly cleaned-up office. His hands were clasped together, resting awkwardly in front of his body and he tried looking everywhere but at the boy on his right.

There was Jungsu next to the camera, Jooyeon leaning against a dirty wall, biting his lower lip and he, Gunil.

Gunil was also there. On his right. And his presence resounded in the room, making the air dense and stuffy.

Jiseok found it hard to breathe, with each second his chest was moving more and more lethargic. Jungsu spoke up.

"Jiseok, you've read the script, right?" He hasn't.

"Yes, we can start already," he didn't care for it. He wanted it to end.

And so with the nod of Jungsu, the recording began. It wasn't a long video—7 up to 10 minutes but it seemed like hours to Jiseok who was there to smile, nod and admit that it was as Gunil stated. And Gunil's talk was something he wasn't expecting.

Maybe he was also as fed up with the whole situation as Jiseok and he also frankly didn't care for what would happen next.

His words were too precise, too brutal—too true. He admitted that he did it all. That he made Jiseok the bad one. He said that he should have been in his place—despised, hated and not wanted. He deserved it all.

Jiseok should have read the script before. He regretted not doing that and the tingling feeling appeared in his belly out of nowhere. He knew what Gunil was trying to do but he wasn't going to stop him.

Gunil wanted to make himself a victim. Somehow. Even though people would find out that he had made it all up and that it was his fault, he wanted to make them feel compassionate. Gunil had tears in his eyes and Jiseok swallowed at this sight. Gunil wanted everyone to perceive him as someone fragile, delicate, broken—almost innocent.

"I don't know what had gotten into me that night," he muttered, looking straight into the lens of the camera as if he were looking at their fans. Speaking to them, smiling and self-pitying. "I've done something stupid... I'm fully aware I can't turn the time back but if I could, then I would. I would have never thought of ruining his life just because I was jealous, I would have suffered this on my own."

Jungsu nodded at Gunil from behind the camera, he smiled at him as if encouraging him to keep going with it. To keep going subconsciously with trying to explain himself. Jiseok couldn't lie, Gunil was good at it.

He had always been good at lying or simply putting a mask on his face. He seemed to be trustworthy back then. Jiseok should have suspected him, he was the only one who knew about him and Jooyeon—but no. He had to blame the one he was devoted to—he had to blame Jooyeon.

He had to hurt him, destroy him, make him cry. He still couldn't forgive himself. Not even when Jooyeon desperately tried assuring him that they were alright now, that he was no longer mad with him. And Jiseok wanted to trust him.

He did.

Yet he was still mortally offended at himself—he wished he hadn't done that.

"I don't know if there is anything else to say," Gunil's voice rang in his ears. There was nothing left to say. "Maybe... Jiseok, do you wanna add something?"

His throat felt tight suddenly. Tight and dry. Gunil gazed at him and he gulped, unintentionally.

"I... I think that everything is clear now," he spoke up, his voice hoarse. He needed something to drink, otherwise he felt that he would soon have to clear his throat, which he didn't want. What if he made some noise that indicated his racing thoughts? "I haven't done anything to that boy, it was just as Gunil said. Everything was false."