coming undone! | gayeon

chapter 12

Repeating over and over that he had done the right thing didn't help. Jungsu persistently tried to convince Gunil that this was the way it had to be and that he should have done what he had done; otherwise, the guilt would have haunted him for the rest of his life. He agreed that Gunil's friendship with Gaon was ruined and it was impossible for them to fix it, but being friends with him and hiding something important from him was far worse.

Jungsu even stopped him from calling Jiseok because, as he said, there was no point. He was completely right, and Gunil knew it, but he wanted to give himself the false impression that he was constantly apologising to Jiseok, as if he were atoning for his sins.

It didn't work that way, and he knew it very well, even though he was still doing it.

But he did not talk with Jiseok that day.

Maybe it was a stupid idea, but he did something else. He knew he would probably regret it, but he didn't want to listen to Jungsu's comforting words anymore. He'd always known what the boy would say, so he hadn't learned a thing. He might as well have muttered Jungsu's supposed answers under his breath and probably guessed more than half of them.

He talked with Seungmin.

Actually, it was Seungmin who called him, but he didn't hesitate for a second before answering the call.

"Is everything fine?" That was the first thing he heard from Seungmin. "I kind of saw you crying yesterday, and it concerned me."

Before saying anything, Gunil looked around the room, searching for Jungsu, as if scared of getting caught talking with him.

"Not really," he said, clearing his throat, ashamed of his response. "You know how it is."

Jungsu was in the living room rummaging in the drawer with cutlery as Gunil deducted from the metallic clanging sounds. He had to hide from the boy; he couldn't risk Jungsu overhearing him talk with Seungmin.

"That's why I called," the latter started. "I don't care about the fact that you deserve it all. I still want to ask about your feelings."

"I'm scared." Gunil whispered, closing himself behind the bathroom door. He only hoped that Jungsu wouldn't get suspicious of it. Going to the toilet was a really common thing, but it didn't help Gunil slow down his pulse.

"Scared? I thought you would be sad or something." Seungmin uttered. Gunil could swear that he was frowning now and looking at his fingernails as if he were judging him.

"I am afraid I'm going to ruin even more things, Seungmin," he decided to be honest. He didn't know if it was a good idea or not. The words simply rushed into his mouth and spilled out uncontrollably.

"What do you mean by ruining more things?"

"I've already ruined my and Jiseok's relationship, but what scares me the most is the future of my band and... Jungsu," he said his lover's name even more quietly than the rest of the statement. He had a strange feeling that Jungsu was listening to him now, sitting outside the door. Maybe it was his hallucinations and imagination, but he was really afraid of everything now.

"Jungsu? Why him?" Seungmin asked in his nosy tone of voice.

"I have no idea, but it drains me a lot." Gunil continued, walking around the bathroom in a circle, just like a maniac.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Another question, but this one caught Gunil off guard the most. "I can drive to your house."

"But he's there."

"Then why don't we talk at my house?"

"Sounds good to me," he agreed, waiting in silence for Seungmin to respond.