coming undone! | gayeon

chapter 8

What felt like the biggest punishment to Jiseok was that he and Jooyeon ignored themselves in the university's corridors as if they had never met. It was just as if Jooyeon had listened to his words said through strong emotions.

Maybe it was for Jiseok's good because he didn't deserve to look into the boy's eyes, but he still wished to at least say sorry to him. He wasn't the kind of person to get offended and then not talk to that person without any explanation of his previous behaviour. Especially when the person in question was Jooyeon, he was the one he cared about, and now Jiseok has ruined it all.

What happened during the concert was something that prompted him to go to Jooyeon and try talking with him. The longing he felt was terribly strong; it made him realize how connected to him he felt and how much he regretted saying those outrageous words towards him.

He could no longer walk past Jooyeon without feeling the burning need to peek at him and give him the same look he gave when they sat together on the balcony of his apartment and looked at the stars.

He remembered it too much. They were sitting next to each other with their fingers intertwined and their legs touching. It was cold around them, but they didn't care as long as they were in the other one's presence. Above their heads, there were endless numbers of stars scattered in the dark blue sky, and their gazes fell sometimes at the sky and sometimes on another person.

That night, they didn't say a lot to each other, they just breathed quietly, and that was enough. It was their eyes that told them much more than anything else. Jiseok had such a warm and pleasant look in his eyes that it showed Jooyeon how much he wanted him to be happy forever.

Jiseok loved and hated recalling these memories. Now he kind of disliked it; he was at the university and was about to talk with Jooyeon, and thinking about the times when they didn't think about anything else except for themselves didn't help him much.

He was searching for him for a long time, rushing through the white school corridors until he found him standing alone with headphones on and a bottle of water in his hands. He looked so mesmerising like that; his pretty eyes staring out the window at the vast green forest, his body pressed against the wall, his lips puckered, and his fluffy hair messily arranged. He could stare at him endlessly, but that wasn't his aim today.

He wanted to speak up, say sorry, and try convincing him to consider talking with him again... but what was he even thinking about? He knew that Jooyeon hated him so much and he knew that he deserved to be hated. After all, he didn't trust him and accused him of the worst thing ever.

He shook his head to the sides, wanting the doubting thought to disappear from his mind, and took a deep breath before walking up to Jooyeon.

"Hi, Joo," he tapped his arm in order to gain his attention. The boy looked at him, taking the headphones off; his eyes widened, and he clenched his fists.

"No," he said as firmly as possible. "What do you want from me?"

"I wanted to talk about this and that," he shifted from one foot to the other. "I wanted to say sorry and I don't know..."

"Oh, so you want to apologize now?" Jooyeon burst laughing, he wasn't in the mood for joking. "I don't fucking want to talk with you." His words were strong, but his eyes; they were broken—Jiseok could see something numb in them, they were never like this.

The older one desperately tried to hide his emotions by smiling which was an idiotic idea.

"Can't you give me a chance? I am sincerely sorry," he looked down and felt his cheeks growing hotter and hotter. He hurt Jooyeon so badly and he couldn't stare at him like that. It made his heart shred into a million pieces. "I know it wasn't you."