coming undone! | gayeon

chapter 19

Jooyeon sat on the black chair, feeling its leather sticking to his body. He was in a rather small building, swallowing every time any door opened or any person passed the corridor. The walls weren't snow-white, nor was the floor cool and glassy. The surroundings gave off a warm aura despite the unpleasantly freezing feelings growing in his body.

He was weirdly nervous.

There was a sign above the front door with an inscription: psychologist, written in weird cursive and some spirals. He was there waiting in front of door number four, and his heart was coming up to his throat. It's been more than forty minutes since Jiseok had entered the room with an uneasy grimace all over his face.

But he entered the room, and that was all that mattered, and that was also the only reason why Jooyeon could calm himself down slightly.

Jooyeon had seen Jiseok crying a few days earlier. It wasn't a pleasant view. His face was buried in his hands, and his body was squeezed into the corner of his bed. He didn't even look up to see Jooyeon as he entered the room. He uncontrollably moved his chest up and down, shaking terribly. He looked so poor like that, all his energy wasted on crying over something bothering him so much that even Jooyeon felt like shedding some tears at this sight.

"Jiseok..." He whispered, slowly climbing onto the bed to comfort him. He scanned his posture; the way he was curled, and the way he seemed so fragile. Jiseok couldn't even speak, the thoughts tying up his throat and mercilessly tightening on it. He couldn't even breathe—he felt like suffocating.

Jooyeon thought that after filming the video with Gunil and clearing all the allegations, he would feel better—none of these.

Jiseok didn't even care about what people thought of him at this point. It didn't matter, because even after they all learned the truth, some didn't care, some didn't want to believe, some didn't even know about the video... and in general, Jiseok was so fed up with it already that he wanted to forget about it.

"Hey," Jooyeon whispered as Jiseok couldn't contain all these loud sobs escaping his damp lips. He put the stray lock behind his ear and noticed how red his eyes were... and they were very puffy as if he had been in this state for a long time already. "Is it because of the people?" He asked, still staring at Jiseok from a slight distance.

It wasn't the way he hiccuped and shook uncontrollably that made his heart clutch. It was the way he knew Jiseok was trying his best to not cry in front of him even now. He tried breathing in and out to slow down his heartbeat, but nothing helped. He even felt more dizzy, and his hands clenched harder around his legs pressed against his chest.

"No," he mumbled, trying to look up. He even smiled at him, trying not to bother him with his feelings again. Jooyeon was the last person he wanted to exhaust this much emotionally. And first of all, he didn't want Jooyeon to feel overwhelmed with all these actions.

He didn't want to burden him with how he behaved—he wanted him to spend time with someone so joyful that their energy would spill all around the place and invade the boy, causing him to smile forever.

"It's just..." he swallowed and wiped the tears away from his eyes. He didn't even want to imagine how pitifully he looked at that point. "... everything. Everything, Joo."

His heart was burning, and so were his cheeks and chest. He couldn't even tell what the factor was—Jooyeon who wrapped his hands around his head or his thoughts.

Jiseok felt Jooyeon's hand pressing against his cheek gently and burying his head into his body. He could melt like that if only he could, and stay in this position forever.

"I can't cope with it all anymore," he continued, and Jooyeon rested his chin in his fluffy dark hair, with his hand caressing the cheek. "I thought everything was going to be okay..."