Love at First Spark

11 | September: Confused and Controlled

"Dex," I breathed out. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He grinned at me and opened his arms wide. "Nice to see you too, Ames."

"Hi!" Realization hit me that he was actually standing there. Right there, in my living room. I ran into his arms and breathed in his familiar scent. Yep, he was definitely real. Shaggy brown hair that swept over his forehead, brown eyes, killer smile. Then I slapped his arm. "You didn't even call, Dex."

Dex scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry about that. It's just that things have been really really busy—like you wouldn't believe."

I rolled my eyes. "So have I. But you could've called. Or texted!"

Dex reached out to tuck my hair behind my ears which I realized was a mess from my tryst with Braden a few minutes earlier. His touch felt different, safe. But it was nothing compared to the way Braden felt.

His hands...my body...damn those hands.

"I'm sorry I've been so distant, Ames. Moving to a different state is harder than you'd think," he said. "I have an apartment now, I'm buying groceries. It's not an excuse, I know. Please forgive me?"

I glanced up into his brown eyes, leaning forward so our foreheads could touch. The anger I'd felt for a while after he'd left rolled off of my shoulders. "Of course I forgive you, Dex. You're here now, aren't you? Do you want to stay over?"

He nodded. "If that's okay with you. When I got here, El said she wasn't sure if you'd be back tonight so offered me the couch."

"Nuh uh." I shook my head. "You're bunking with me." With that, I grabbed his hand and led him to my room. Once inside, I sat down on my bed and Dex joined me.

"So you were on a date?" he asked, stretching out and placing his hands underneath his head.

"Yeah." I swallowed down the guilt that bubbled in my throat. "If I'd known you were coming to town though—"

He cut me off. "Don't even worry about it. This was meant to be a surprise anyway. You were out with that guy, right? The one you wrote me about?"

I nodded. "Braden. He's sweet but it's complicated." I flopped down next to him, curling into his side. "Dex, I don't know what to do."

"Are you going to see him again?"

"I kind of have no choice. He brings his daughter to school every day, so I always see him. It's a bit annoying actually."

"No, I meant romantically. Are you going to see him again for a date?" Dex propped himself up on his elbows.

"Maybe." I traced the seam of his t-shirt with a finger. "I just want some consistency, you know? I want to be able to go out with someone where we don't have to look over our shoulders in case someone from school—or worse, Linda—is there."

"Linda is...?" he asked.

"Braden's ex. She's brutal, dude." I shuddered at the thought.

"Well, I mean you are the one taking her former man from her."

I whacked my best friend with a pillow. "Alexander, you are supposed to be on my side! God, you're infuriating sometimes."

Dex grinned. "Good. Means I'm doing my job. Look, Ames. I can't make this decision for you, clearly. Guy doesn't sound like my type." He winked. "But if you want to date him, then do it. Say yes."

If only it were that simple.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't even want to go out tonight but El convinced me that I should. She's been doing that a lot since you moved to Cali."

"Your sister has good insight," Dex said. "I'm glad you had fun."

"Yeah, she does. And me too." I really meant it. I'd taken more chances with Braden than I ever thought I would, and it was all thanks to Eloise.

My voice lowered to a whisper. "I hate not having you here, Dex."

"Ames." Dex sat up and brushed his fingers over my cheek. "I missed you too. I'm here now for the whole weekend."

"So I guess that means we can get up to our old games?" I smirked.

"And more." He sat up and held out his hand. "Why don't I whip you up something to eat? I'm still on California time so it only feels like eight-thirty pm to me."

It had only been a little while since I had dinner with Braden, but I nodded nonetheless. I followed Dex into the kitchen. He immediately started to prepare us grilled cheese, his specialty.

As he flipped the bread around in the pan, I couldn't help but focus on the strength of the muscles in his arms. His skin had bronzed nicely from the coastal sun and his hair sported blonder highlights that looked even brighter under the kitchen lights.

Dex leaned against the counter, holding the spatula. "So tell me more about this guy. Does he make you happy? You never really answered that question before."

My cheeks flushed. "Yeah, he does. He's a landscape artist and does some sculpture work as well."

"Wow. He must be pretty handy then."

I chuckled. "You have no idea."

"Then I know what you need to do, Ames. And so do you." Dex placed his hands on my shoulders and dipped his forehead against mine again. "You have to say yes. I'll always be there, but you have to give yourself permission to move forward."

"I know." I closed my eyes and leaned up on my tiptoes. My arms wrapped around Dex's neck and felt the warmth of his breath as he dipped his mouth toward mine.

"You sure?" His voice was low, comforting.

Different from Braden.

He was my first love. The one who got away. But he was here now. And I craved that closeness.

"Uh huh." My mouth met his in a delicate embrace, a familiarity I had missed since he moved away.

Dex slipped his hands around my waist, hoisting me up onto the counter while he continued to kiss me.

With Braden we had been desperate, clinging, wanting, desiring. With Dex it was about finding my home, being myself, being open.

Because with Dex, I didn't have to hide.