The Arrangement (JenLisa)

Chapter 16

LISA

Jennie's even breathing lets Lisa know that the CEO's asleep. Jennie's arms wrapped so tightly in her stomach, hand clutched at her side, it's as if the brunette's scared she could disappear any second. Jennie always has to have one hand on Lisa, like she's reassuring herself the Thai is still there. Jennie's breath tickles her neck, her arm under Jennie is slightly getting numb but she doesn't really mind. It's warming her inside the way Jennie manages to fall asleep with her face pressed to her.

The night plays through her head over and over again. The woman in her arms confuses her. One minute she looks at Lisa like she hangs the moon, then the next it's like she doesn't want to be seen with her. One thing is clear: Lisa doesn't fit in there and she doesn't belong. If Lisa stays, she'll only fall deeper in love with Jennie. Because she is in love with Jennie. She needs to get out now.

Jennie makes her feel things she has never felt before. When it's just Jennie and her, it's like she is Jennie's... everything. It feels like she's her oxygen and Jennie need her to breathe, but when the outside world seeps in, Lisa feels like she is the CEO's dirty little secret. Maybe even Jennie's addiction. But is Jennie addicted to her or the sex?

There are people Lisa has known all her life who would do anything for sex. They'll lie¸ steal, cheat, buy it, and even take it. This arrangement with Jennie started off with her being the Korean's live-in cook and house cleaner, which is ridiculous because the only messes she seems to clean are her own. If Jennie got takeout or delivery, it would cost way less than what she's paying Lisa every week. Their arrangement makes Lisa her whore. No, not her whore; in this world of prim and proper she would be Jennie's paid mistress.

When she first presented that idea to Jennie in her office that day, to offer her services, she did it just to make Jennie mad. She doesn't think she would've really done it, but they say everyone has their price. But then Jennie shot her down and she was relieved. Relieved that Jennie wouldn't do that, that maybe Lisa was worth more to her. They are kidding themselves though, because that's exactly what Lisa is now. And she starts to feel fucking pathetic.

Jennie works all day, comes home, eats dinner and they fuck all night. Then the next day she's gone. Never takes Lisa anywhere, nor does she seem to make an effort to be with the Thai more than just at night. She slides Lisa in when she has the time, placing her at the bottom of her list.

But the thing is, now that Lisa got a taste of what passion can be and what love can feel like, that's what she wants. And she wants it from Jennie. That's a silly dream though. Her league doesn't end up with someone like Jennie. Women like Kariza ends up with a Jennie Kim.

The worst part is she can't say one bad thing about Kariza. She is utterly likable in every way. Not only that, but she fits in with Jennie. When Lisa tried to fit in, she failed. The look on Jennie's face tonight when she saw Lisa was crushing. Not until Jennie could see that she was upset did she try to correct the problem. And Lisa can't help but think it was just to soothe her so she'd be more docile for the evening.

But for fuck's sake, she tried for her, didn't she? It was something Lisa told herself she would never do, and it still isn't enough. Why does she keep doing this to herself? Try to be something she's not. Never once has it worked. We can't change who we are, it'll always bleed through. And Lisa doesn't want to change how she is. She loves who Jennie is, and smudging the Korean's straight lines, causing havoc in Jennie's world is what makes her love Jennie more.

The morning light starts to flood through the large glass windows, casting light across the room. The remnants of her dress lie destroyed on the floor. Now the dress doesn't seem so 'not her' anymore. Jennie told her that she hated the thing when the CEO practically ripped it from her body. It also seems Jennie didn't like Lisa out in public with her. She tried to fit into Jennie's world, to be what Jennie wanted, instead of just plain old Lisa. It wasn't enough and it's time for her to go.