part seven

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"before you say goodbye, my star in the sky"
- sufijan stevens

the first thing I see is a bright light.

the first thing I hear is the sound of a monitor beeping.

the first thing I smell is blood.

my heart drops as the memories come flooding back.

Scott.

a nurse comes and rests her palm against my forhead,

"where is he?" I croak out, a look of instant sorrow washes over her face as she tells me to get some rest.

but a feeling in my gut, no my heart, tells me something is wrong.

I slide out of the hospital bed and ignore her words telling me to stay still,

but its too late.

a sharp pain peirces through my left ankle.

I look down and realize its wrapped in bandages looking fucking bruised.

I wince and shrug off the pain as I hobble over to the door,

the nurse calls out for me but I ignore her as I step out of the room,

closing the door behind me.

I run down the long corridors, pushing through people who are trying to get to their loved ones.

just like I am.

after what feels like hours of running past people crying, and people hugging, even some laughing with tears in their eyes.

I finnally make it to the front desk.

"Scott, Scott Adams" I say in one breath,

the nurse at the desk looks up at me with a reasurring gaze,

"take a deep breathe, sweetie" she says reaching over and putting her hand over mine,

which I now realize is trembeling along with my whole body.

I follow her words and take a deep breathe.

one that I now realize, was badly needed.

"Scott Adams" I try again,

she retreives her hand and starts typing in his name on her computer.

a look that is combined in both, horror and sorrow takes over her features.

"wh-where is he?" I ask, my voice beggining to break.

"oh sweetie" she says, and her words are like a knife being stabbed in my heart.

I know that voice, and that expression, I know it all to well.

it is the very same look I was given while being told about my mothers passing.

"No"

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