Was It All For Nothing? - By Sarah Jaju

Hae-Ri (Chapter 18)

10 days ago:

After seeing Hae-Jun crying, I returned to my room, because I hadn't realised that I was probably embarrassing him. To my surprise, a couple of hours later he texted me, apologising for his behaviour. That only made me feel more guilty, as he had done nothing wrong. It wasn't his fault that he reacted in an abrupt way after seeing me. 

The next day, we had a field trip to the K-style hub. I was dreading the bus ride, until Hae-Jun beckoned me to sit with him, as if nothing had happened. I willing did so. We talked for the whole ride, and also on the way back, but neither of us mentioned our awkward encounter from the previous night. 

I hadn't even realised, but Hae-Jun and I started becoming close. We hung out almost every day, but I could sense that something was obviously bothering him. That day, when I met him at our collaboration class, he asked me to meet him in the music room afterwards. I was eager to go, as it seemed like he wanted to talk about something important.

When I got there, I saw him sitting on one of the greyish-brown, foam-padded stools. His black hair hung low over his raven eyes, as he fumbled with the tuning-pegs of his guitar. For a second, I felt my heart racing, but that feeling quickly dissolved. The room was faintly illuminated, and a couple of the warm corner-lights were turned on. From the wide, glass windows, we could witness the whole city. Was he planning on playing for me? Maybe he wanted to try and do a collaboration, like he had mentioned in one of our first conversations?

I slowly walked towards him, not wanting to distract him incase he intended on playing. Nevertheless, he looked up at me and smiled. 

"Hey..." he said softly, "do you wanna sing?"

"Sure, what song?" I asked.

"You suggest," he said.

"Okay...what about 'love poem' by IU?" I asked, and noticed that he tensed up at my words, "Sorry, I know it's a bit depressing. We could do something else, if you like."

"Aniyo, aniyo. Gwenchana.", he quickly said, and started strumming the intro. (No, no. That's alright)

"Nuguleul ueehae..." I sang with my heart, feeling each and every word. 

Somewhere in the middle of the song, I observed that Hae-Jun's eyes had welled up with tears. My own eyes widened, and I felt the urgency to stop singing. I didn't hesitate.

"Hae-Jun!" I gasped, urging him to stop playing, "What's wrong? Gwenchanayo?" (Are you okay?)

"M-Mian..." he stuttered, and quickly wiped his eyes, just like he had done that day. (S-Sorry)

But unlike last time, now I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him like this, and I couldn't think of what he must be going through.

"Hae-Jun, talk to me! Please don't cry, you're worrying me, I hate to see you like this! Jebal!" I ranted. (Please)

He looked at me, with his sad eyes, "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, of course!" I said, relieved that he was opening up to me.

I was shocked at what he said next. He told me all about his sick mother who was in the hospital.

"I know I look like a crybaby, but she's the only family I've got left. I need her, Hae-Ri Ya." he said, looking down at the tiled floor.

I didn't know how to answer, and I look around the room, stupidly hoping to find some inspiration. As expected, I only saw multiple instruments and other music supplies. 

"Arayo, Hae-Jun-a. This probably doesn't help, but I'm so grateful that you trust me, and I'm here for you," I whispered, looking into his eyes, "Please don't lose hope, she'll be alright, I promise. She won't leave you, I'm sure she knows how much you need her, she's your mother after all." (I know)

"Komawo. Jinjja komawo, Hae-Ri Ya. I really needed someone to tell me this, it really helped," he said, and moved closer to me. (Thanks , thanks a lot)

My heart started racing again. Our faces were a couple of inches apart, and I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn't. He wrapped his arms around me, and I silently clung on to him as he buried his face in my shoulder. I suddenly felt a shot of happiness, despite the situation. I foolishly smiled to myself, and I wished that this moment would last a little while longer, if not forever. But like some things are too good to be true, that didn't happen. We heard a loud crash, and I pulled away from Hae-Jun within a mili-second. It was Min-Jae! Goddamn, seriously? This was what anyone would call worst timing.

"Sorry for disturbing y-you, I'll leave right this moment," he said looking very pale, which confused me. 

"Min-Jae!" I called, but he'd already picked up his guitar and left.