Was It All For Nothing? - By Sarah Jaju

Hae-Jun (Chapter 15)

I was taking my time and typing out my essay which was due on the day after. Suddenly, my phone started ringing, and I switched it on to silent mode. I didn't need any distractions at the moment. A few seconds later, I got another call from the same number, so I decided to get over with it.

"Yeoboseyo?" I said. (Hello *on call*)

"Yeoboseyo, is that Mr.Jeon?" I heard a woman's voice ask, with a sense of urgency. (Hello *on call*)

"Nae. Who am I speaking to?" I inquired. (Yes)

"Mr.Jeon, I'm Ms.Eun from the Seoul National University Hospital. We have an emergency, your mother has been admitted into the hospital as she just suffered from a car accident," she informed.

I felt a shiver come up my spine, my mouth dried up, and my palms started sweating. 

"Mweo?!" I gasped, at that moment I honestly didn't care about manners, "I'll be there as soon as possible! How is my mother doing at the moment?" (What?!)

"She has intensely fractured her left arm, and has a few wounds, but we're doing our best, don't worry. We would need you to head over as soon as possible," she instructed. 

"N-nae, of course," I declined the call. (Y-yes)

"What's wrong?" Sam asked.

"Nae O-Omma! She g-got into a c-car accident! Mian, I need to go!" I said, my voice quivering. (My mum! , sorry)

How was this happening?  I couldn't breathe, it felt like all the life had been sucked out of me. But no, this wasn't the time for emotions, I had to leave. I had to leave immediately. 

...

After seeing Omma lying lifelessly on the white bed, wrapped up in bandages and with a caste over her arm, the tears started trickling, and once they started, they wouldn't stop. The only parent I had left, was her. I couldn't deal with the thought of any harm coming to her, I needed her, but I hadn't been there when she needed me.

The nurse told me that Omma had been given a few pills, and as the side effect, she was now asleep, and wouldn't wake up for a few hours. I was called to the front desk for the paperwork.

"How much time do you think she'll take to recover?" I asked, feeling like a timid mouse.

"She should be admitted here for atleast a week. Thankfully, her brain hasn't been affected, and there's only minute injury in her lungs, which will take no time at all. Don't worry, she'll be alright," the nurse comforted.

It didn't feel alright at all. I felt alone. I also felt angry... angry at myself, without knowing the cause. 

...

By the time I reached the University, my shift at the CV had already ended. I would have to explain the reason to the manager the next day, but for once, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything else other than her. My mother. I decided to go to the library because I didn't have the courage to face Sam. 

I crossed the aisles...1...3...7...11...16...21...27. I sat at the last table, without picking a book. I had a flashback of Omma feeding me Japchae when I was about 5 years old. Her skilful hands twirled the long noodles with the help of her chopsticks. Would she still be able to do that? Would her hands still be as graceful as they used to be? 

Was I overreacting? I mean, the nurse did say that it wasn't anything too bad, right? Maybe she was right. I needed to calm down. Just at the moment, I realised that the sun was setting, which was a beautiful sight to see in Korea. I walked over to one of the long, glass windows and stood there, silently watching the underrated scene unfold before my eyes. I knew that I should have prayed, but instead, the tears started rolling again. Images of Omma started popping up in my brain; Omma in the kitchen, Omma and Appa playing Ludo with me, Omma wearing a lemon-yellow frock on the beach, Omma screaming when she discovered a spider in her hair, and a lot of other silly yet memorable moments. Suddenly, I heard someone's voice behind me.

"Hae-Jun, Gwenchana?" Hae-Ri whispered gently. I flinched, and clumsily wiped my tear-stained eyes. (Are you okay?)

The truth was, I wasn't okay. I was practically falling apart, and I needed someone to talk to, but Hae-Ri wasn't the right person. I didn't even know her properly. Besides, what would she think of me as? A stupid saddo who couldn't control his emotions? I appreciated her, trying to help me, but all I could say was...

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I asked, but couldn't pay attention to what she said next. All I was hoping for was that she'd leave. I really dreaded the thought of me breaking down in front of a girl who I'd talked to, only a couple of times.

That's what she did. It seemed a bit abrupt, since she was the one who came to me in the first place, but I was relieved when she left in a hurry. I felt like she thought I was rude, and I was sorry for that. I waited for a few minutes, then hesitantly returned to my room.