𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋. - seventeen

RUNNER-UP - dk

— in where for lee seokmin, it hurts to be something but it's worse to be nothing with you.

RUNNER-UP
l. seokmin

you first fell in love when you were 14. actually, you loved him years before that. but you felt it then. your heart beating out of your chest, the churning and burning of feelings whenever he said something to make you smile. the way he would look at you as if you were the only piece of art on earth, the way electricity travelled through your body whenever his skin touched yours.

you fell in love with lee seokmin in high school.

now you walk past each other like strangers.

the break up was huge. both of you were always so close to each other that the moment you guys took distance, everybody knew. the whole situation was common knowledge to almost anybody in your grade. everyone always walked on eggshells whenever his name was mentioned around you. or for some unknown reason, he'd show up right in front of your class or lining up right in front of you, out of all the places in the school in the first few months of the break up and you'd have to bite your lip to keep your tears from falling.

you saw him so often you were starting to think maybe you had sinned in your past life. it was the lowest point in high school for you. you saw him even more often than when you guys were dating.

after the first month, everybody always told you that he had moved on already. even though he always told you things like 'i would never move on from you, even in 10 years.' or as if everyone was completely blind to the reposts he had on his instagram. 'they were just relatable, sad, lovesick posts!' yeah, right. of course, these were things you say to your girlfriend at your very first relationship. it was normal.

but seokmin wasn't like that. you knew deep down, that he actually meant it, every single word. even if your 15 year-old heart wished he was a horrible guy, you couldn't bring yourself to hate him.

you tend to feel pretty burnt out after losing someone you've liked for almost 8 years. you were 15 around 3 years ago, and you usually just refuse to touch that part of your heart again.

the two of you shared the same friend group. your friends were his, because you used to be inseparable. best friends, boyfriend and girlfriend. when the break up took place, and seokmin decided to be the one to leave the friend group, anyone could tell that seokmin had lost a home. not just in you, but his place in life even.

everybody, even your friends, always forget that both of you were best friends first. you lost the love of your life and someone you wished you could've kept forever. both of you would always go home and play games until dawn together. always be on the same team, always go out in groups with your other friends. studying together near the exams. both of you would wake up extra early just to play games together; which at that point was just an excuse to call each other.

seokmin stopped smiling as often after he left you. he always had his huge black-rimmed glasses on, his grades improved drastically. he would go to the gym often with your guy friends, the ones you were closer to, but he met first. you guessed it was tough luck, since both of you had liked each other ever since you first met in fourth grade.

the first month, even though he was the known happy go-lucky in school, he cried in class every day. in the first month, you hadn't even registered that you guys wouldn't be together anymore. you couldn't grasp that everything you've done with him would end right there, on a random tuesday. you were in a state of denial, so you continued to pine over him publicly, and simply acted as if you just had a huge crush on him again.