Was It All For Nothing? - By Sarah Jaju

Jessica (Part 20)

"So...what's up?", I asked Min-Jae nervously, as I knew that this was going to be about Hae-Ri. 

"Jess, I need to do something quick...the masquerade ball's coming up in a week, and I've made zero progress. Hae-Jun on the other hand, let's not even get there.", he uttered, as I had expected.

"What do you mean?", I questioned, narrowing my eyes and wiping my hands on my beige skirt, as they had started to sweat as Min-Jae mentioned her name.

"I saw them hugging, Jessica! Also, this was really weird, but you know last week when I fractured my leg?", he continued.

"Hmm...? She was pretty worried I could tell.", I confirmed, despite not wanting to. Also, when did they hug? Normally -atleast I thought- I was the first person that Hae-Ri would tell when something like this would happen. So why...?

His eyes lit up for a second, but only for a fraction of a second.

"Really? Well guess what. I saw both of them at the hospital, and I could tell that Hae-Ri saw me, but it looked as if she hid behind Hae-Jun! Now, what should I even think of that?!", Min-Jae grumbled, obviously distressed.

"Wow, I really don't know what to say! I mean, they had left saying that they had to go somewhere, but why would they go to the hospital? And why would she hide from you?", I thought aloud.

"Precisely my point!", he said, raising both his hands to his head, in agitation.

"I'll talk to Hae-Ri...don't worry, I'll let you know. But Min-Jae, to be honest with you...this might hurt, but I think Hae-Ri really likes him.", I said carefully.

His head hung low, and his face turned pale. Maybe he knew all along, but just didn't want to believe it.

...

"Hae-Ri Ya?", I called, when we were getting ready to head to the CV for dinner. Cheap as it sounded, it was very affordable for us students, so why not?

"Nae?", she said, normally.

"Have you an Hae-Jun become...you know, more than friends?", I asked casually.

Her voice tightened, "Well you see, I'm not sure. We haven't known each other for all that long, but we keep having these moments, I guess."

Okay, maybe she wasn't exactly hiding anything from me.

"Do you think you'll ask him to go to the masquerade ball with you?", I delved further in.

"Oh, Aniyo...but I'd definitely go if he asks me!", she giggled in a childish way, which got on my nerves for some reason, and that made me angry at myself.

"Eoh keure. Good luck then...", I said, half-heartedly. I felt bad for Min-Jae, even though I was the one that liked him.

"Mmm, komawo." Hae-Ri said, which ended our conversation.

...

At the CV:

"So, Jess, when's your next match?", Hae-Ri asked, while juggling a packet of shin ramen with some Gimbap.

"Actually, there's one this weekend. You're gonna make it, right?", I confirmed, wondering whether she would be able to balance her food for much longer. 

"Yes, of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world!", she smiled, reaching over to grab a can of Gochujang. Not surprisingly, it once again slipped from the sweaty grip, but thankfully, I caught it at the very last moment.

"Omo, komawo! Otherwise poor Hae-Jun would have to clean up my mess. Again.", she breathed a sigh of relief, piling our food onto the billing counter.

Out of nowhere, someone suddenly said, "Did I hear my name?"

I spun around and saw that it was indeed, Hae-Jun.

"Oh, annyeong!", Hae-Ri said, "When does your shift get over?"

I noticed that her voice became slightly higher, but only I could've noticed that, after spending so much time with her. I also saw that she untucked her curtain bangs. 

"Uhm, about 30 minutes, actually." He replied, and I was eagerly waiting for what either of them would say next, but his next words were addressed to me, "Annyeonghaseyo...Jessica?"

"Eoh, nae. Annyeonghaseyo!", I said, slightly bowing my head.

"Well, I'll see you later then...have a good time!", he said to Hae-Ri, and returned to whatever his job was.

...

We got back to University, and started doing our own things. Hae-Ri was making herself a rice-water face mask, while I went for a shower.

I didn't intend to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help but hear the conversation between Hae-Ri and somebody who's voice I couldn't recognise, but it was obvious from the way she was addressing the speaker, that it was her mom.

"Haan, Omma. Aap kaise ho?", she asked in hindi, as that was the language that she usually spoke with her mother. Yes, mom. How are you?

"Main theek hoon...nahi nahi, Jessica bhi bilkul theek hai. Aap batao...aur Appa kaise hain?", she further inquired, about her family. I'm good. No, no, even Jessica's doing great. You tell me...and how is dad?

Even from the shower, I could easily observe the sudden change in the tone of her voice. It became far more serious.

"Haan, bilkul, go on...kya baat hai?", she asked. Yes, of course, go on...what's the matter?

There was a gap of a few seconds before I heard her booming voice through the door.

"Kya?! What?! Omma, what are you even saying?! Mujhe kuch bhi samajh nahi aa raha hai, main aapko baad mein call karoongi!", she screamed in frustration. What?! What?! I don't know what you mean, I'll call you later!

Even though I couldn't understand what she was saying, I could tell that something was wrong. I immediately ditched the shower, and went out with just my towel wrapped around my skinny body. I realised that I was sort of immobile without any clothes on, and I hurriedly threw on a hoodie along with some gym-shorts. I know, not a great choice for pyjamas, but this was definitely not the time to think about fashion. I found Hae-Ri staring into space, zoned out. I had never seen her in this state before?

  "Hae-Ri Ya? Museunil isseosseoyo?", I worriedly asked, shaking her by the shoulders. For the first time, she felt so fragile, and I was afraid that I hurt her, so I let go. She remained as silent as the night.

I started pacing around the room. I had to make her speak. That's what the counsellor had said, 2 years ago. It wasn't good for her to contain her emotions and try to burry them deep within her soul. I decided that I would persistently try to persuade her to tell me what had happened, even if that meant invading her privacy. I wouldn't have done this in a normal situation, but this time, it was an exception.

I gently sat down beside her, on her wooden-framed bed. She looked like she was possessed, her dark brown eyes not being able to look at me. I forcefully turned her face towards me, but she looked right through me, as if I didn't even exist. Don't take this personally, you know how she doesn't like to show her feelings that much, I told myself determinedly.

"Ya! Please tell me what's going on! I don't know if I can help, but you'll feel better after telling me, I promise!", I begged, even though I wasn't so sure of it, myself. 

I went on and on, for what seemed like 10 whole minutes, trying to convince her that it was alright to be emotional sometimes.

"Hae-Ri, come on. Please just-", I pleaded once more, but she interrupted me.

I was blindsided, when I heard what she said next.

"They're getting divorced.", she whispered, and burst into tears. 

She weeped and weeped, staining her pink-laced pillow and lavender bedsheet. I couldn't console her, as I could only imagine how hard it would be to deal with something like this. I never thought I would hear these words, as I had always pictured her parents as an evergreen, ever-loving couple. I had never seen her cry so hard before, it was almost like seeing the child-version of Hae-Ri. I could feel the emotion arise in me too, but I couldn't cry. I had to stay strong, and help her through this. Nothing could stop me from doing that.