HEART AT WAR [PART 2 OF A&B] [CSM]

i'm out of my head

"Happy Birthday, sweetie." Your mom says as she places your cake down in front of you. You watch her light the candles, the small flames casting a faint glow on your face. 

"You wanna make a wish, Y/N?"

"A wish..? Uhh.. I dunno, Ma."

"You ain't wanna make one this time?"

"I mean.. should I even be allowed to?" 

"You're still thinkin' about all that stuff, ain'tcha.." She pulls out a chair next to you, sitting down at the table and slowly dragging the cake away from you. "If you ain't wanna make a wish, that's all fine and dandy. But, not if the reason's because of all this silly D-Day stuff."

"Ma, it ain't just silly stuff.. you suffered cuz of it too, didn't you?"

"That ain't all your fault, sweetie. I still love ya either way."

"I know, but.. why should I get to have a wish when I caused all that stuff.."

"You're gonna help the world be better, aren't you?"

"Well.. duh.. though it is more of me bein' forced to."

"Even if you wasn't bein' forced, you'd still do it, wouldn't you?"

"Ma, you don't even gotta ask that question, obviously I would.. like, who wouldn't?"

"I sure as hell wouldn't, sounds real scary. What I'm tryna say is that you've gotta good heart, Y/N. You deserve a wish."

You stare at her, squinting your eyes and dragging the cake back over to you. "Alright, alright, fine, I'll make a wish, just lemme think of somethin'."

"Thatta girl! Take your time."

You sigh and look at the cake, admiring the small heart decoration plastered all over it. 

Do you really deserve a wish?

Or.. anything?

Starting tomorrow, you'll be a slave to those who would prefer you dead. 

In a way, you can't really care. Going around fighting does sound a little fun. You've always wanted someone to try you.

Wait, that sounds super corny, what's wrong with you? Jeez.

Throughout your life, all you'd really ever wanted was a lover.

Someone who'd accept the built up love in your heart.

Nobody'd ever look your way, though. 

You've tried not to care, but c'mon, you're super awesome.

That's what you wanna think, at least.

If you had to make a wish for this year, what would it be?

Given the circumstances, wishing for love would be kinda stupid. You could always get that after you're done with everything, right?

Wait, would they even keep you alive once most of the big devils are dead?

Damn it, should've asked.

Oh, well. 

You decide to wish that you'll be able to heal the world.

You blow out the candles, except for one. You narrow your eyes and blow at it again, seeing it won't go out. You lean closer, trying once more.

Dude.

"Ma, this candle won't go out." You say, looking over at her. Her head is rested on the table and she's snoring a bit.