The Me Inside Of Me

Know its for the Better

I have to move on
I have to convince myself
It's for the better
If I can let it go
I can be happy
I can be free

I cannot move on
I have cried
I have screamed
I have raged
But I cannot move on
I cannot pack my bag
and move out of the house
we built
I cannot leave a broken home knowing I am responsible
for the shattered fragments
that seem to haunt every corner

Is trying to sweep away the glass
And fix the foundations worth it?
Am I worth it?
Do I deserve more?
Am I selfish if I decide I want more?

It's unfair
I know
I know you want to move on
I know you want to forget me
But I can't find surrender until
I tell you the truth
Or some version of it
Because if I'm being honest
I'm still all over the place.

I'm still confused
Do I love you?
Do I hate you?
How do I know that if I say my final piece I can
Bury this issue?
Grieve
And
Move on?
How do I know I won't hate you by next week?
How do I know I won't mess it up?

I have to say what I really feel
Or I will drown
and there will be no lifeboat
to save me.
I know I was hurt by what you did
I can't sit here and pretend nothing happened
But you're still everything to me.
I still love you.

But I do not know if this love
Is good for me
It might destroy us both
There may be an explosion
That leaves our ears ringing
And our eyes stinging
With tears brimming
Threatening to finish us
Threatening to place us
in our graves
We could take the risk

I know we can't
Even though I want to
I don't want to lose everything
I don't want to lose you

I will have to accept that I will have to love you from afar
I will have to accept that this is for the better

I hope you get everything
you want
and I
never have to hear
a single thing about it.
I hope atleast one of us
fights to get out of  the graves
we dug ourselves
into.
I hope you know that I'm sorry.
I hope you know that I'm here
When you need to be me.
I hope we both get peace
No matter how hard
we have to fight.