Somewhere Only We Go

Chapter 3

Avinash

I learned to cook one summer during college break when I was free. I didn't apply for any internships and my father thought it was better if I didn't intern at his office and let the position go to someone else who deserves it. He didn't do it for any kid who deserved it, he did it because it looked good to others, but who cares? I got another year away from him and the business and he got another 'good deed' under his name. I had a lot of time on my hands and nothing to do, so I escaped to our villa in Goa, away from my parents, not that they cared enough to realize I wasn't in Delhi until they needed me present for a family dinner. And when I told them I wasn't in Delhi, they didn't really care where I was. Sure they could always track my credit card activities but god help me if they could actually ask their son for his whereabouts.

That was the last year I had to myself where my father didn't make every decision for me but I was free and my mind was working overtime in convincing me I'll never be enough for my parents. So I took on a new hobby, I started cooking and after a few burnt meals that annoyed the hell out of me, all the YouTube tutorials and recipes on the internet became my new obsession until I got the hang of it.

Even though I learned how to cook, I rarely entered the kitchen in my apartment. Cooking for one slowly lost its charm. Take outs and online orders are all I live on. Stepping in the kitchen to cook after what has been at least 6-7 months feels weird but nothing is weirder than me doing this for a man I barely know. A man who has been on my mind ever since I stepped away from him and let him leave my apartment this morning because God knows if I would have stayed a second longer and kissed him, neither of us were leaving the room today, work be dammed.

It wasn't easy to convince Kabir to have dinner with me tonight. For some reason, he was hell-bent on avoiding me which isn't completely out of logic because technically he is going to work for me for the next few days at least. But whatever we had last night was before either of us knew about each other and while usually, this would have sent me into panic mode I would have made sure the other person stayed away from me, I can't do that with Kabir. There is something about him that makes me want to break every rule I have lived by for years.

An hour later my resolve to not let him go only got stronger, when he was sitting at the other side of the kitchen counter carelessly moving his finger around the wine glass while biting his lips. "If you don't like wine, I can get you something else."

"Huh?" he finally looks up and meets my eyes.

"Man, you love the word huh don't you?"

This time he glares at me instead of responding and that makes me laugh.

"Seriously if you don't like wine I can get you something else."

He sighs. "No, wine is fine. It's not about that."

"Then what's wrong?"

"It's about everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you invite me tonight Avinash?"

Because I can't stop thinking about you.

"I already told you, if you're going to be my plus one for a week we need to get to know each other, my parents can be a little, uh, overwhelming sometimes." That's one way to put it. The truth is I am reconsidering taking Kabir with me because I don't want them to know about him, I can keep him and this, whatever we're doing away from them and protect him. Which is insane because I barely know the guy and if he sees the real me, he will run in the opposite direction.

When I offered him to be my fake boyfriend, I didn't think about what it would mean for him. Granted I didn't think I would care about him as well, so overall it's just a reckless decision I am reconsidering. But I can't tell him that right now, the only reason he agreed to this dinner is because we need a back story.

"So how are we doing this?" As if read my mind.

"I don't know maybe we can go with the real story."

"The real story?"

"Yes."

"You want to tell your parents you offered me money to be your boyfriend."

I choked on the wine I was drinking.

"Oh god, are you alright?" He starts rubbing his hand slowly on my back. I am now that you are touching me.

It takes me a few more seconds to get air back in my lungs and breathe properly. "Yes, I am fine, thanks." He moves away from me and I want to pull him in my arms and sink my face in the crook of his neck, but I resist. I want him to want me like he did yesterday.

He takes his place on the stool again and sips his wine. And we are back to him avoiding looking at me, which honestly I don't mind because I can sneak glances at him without getting caught. Why am I doing that is something I am not going to think about. I have mastered the art of living in denial so it won't be a problem.

"I meant the story about how we met."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it would make sense and sound logical, meeting at a bar." This doesn't feel right anymore. "Listen uh if you are having second thoughts about this, we don't have to do this."

Why in the world did I say that when this setup is the only reason he is here? Maybe that therapist was onto something when he said I push people away if they threaten my carefully planned lifestyle in any way. I want Kabir but I am trying to give him options to leave.

If Kabir is shocked, he doesn't show it. "No, I am okay with it but um I am not sure if I can accept money anymore."

Out of everything I expected him to say, this wasn't it.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'll be your boyfriend, I mean fake boyfriend but I won't take any money for it."

I swear my heart races a little faster as the timer on the microwave goes off. I'll be your boyfriend.