The Saucy Evil Ginger
By: Mousey Queen and Nut Boy The Handsome Young Nephew
Chapter One: Who is this Ginger?
Once upon a time, there was a baddie redhead named Edward Sheeran. He was a very unusual man. He liked to write songs about how your legs don’t work like they used to before. He also loved to tell people he was in love with the shape of them. Although Edward Sheeran looks like his name would be Norbert, he goes by the nickname Ed and guess what…HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
MOUSEY QUEEN CUE THE STRIPPER MUSIC!
As Ed approaches, he walks with a seductive catwalk, only moving his hips. He then will perform a seductive dance. After that, he will sit you down and start rubbing your leg. He will then tell you that it's your first date. “E- Ed!” you would exclaim as his dreamy eyes stare into yours and he says, “I Just shit myself.” Then with a flip of his ginger hair he will grab you by the throat and then…”I'M GETTING MY CHICKEN QUESADILLA” He would scream. Then, the lights will go out and there will be a slight rustle in the sheets. You’ll wonder where he is. “Ed? Ed??” You whisper. Just when you turn around, he's there staring at you with his beady blue eyes. He says, “It's too late, you did not run fast enough” And then he sings, “YOUR LEGS DON'T WORK LIKE THEY USED TO BEFORE” and he snaps them in half. Then, Eddie boy cat walks over and uses his mighty strong cankles to roundhouse kick you in the face. Then you blackout. Your family won’t wonder where you are. They are gone too.
Another way that Ed Sheeran can attack is with men named Tom. Specifically, British men named Tom. This includes, but is not limited to, Tom Holland, Tom Riddle, Tom Felton, and Tom Blyth. He also occasionally has a sidekick (who he isn’t very fond of) tag along. He helps by aggressively launching dice and other objects at the victims under 18. His sidekick may remain nameless, but he was OBSESSED with Eddy boys music. He would often try to sing with Ed but that would just cause a sucker punch to the face.
