Vent Book ➳☙

I feel so hurt right now.

I don't know why but I'm up in the middle of the night and my entire spotlight is just filled with vent at this point. I feel this heavy feeling in my chest and it's like someone slashed me deeply right across my chest.

I think this has to do with my dad's dog. He has two dogs, one smaller one and a bigger one. They're both hunting dogs. Rex is the smaller one and Capish is the larger one. Rex is around 5-7 and Capish is 10 years old now. We were in the living room and out of the blue my dad states that Capish's breed only lives for ten years or so. The anxiety of now knowing Capish might die because of age this year or next year truly breaks me. He's the best dog to ever have been next to me. He's been with me as long as I've been conscious.

I just couldn't with him dead. I never even thought about his lifespan. It's careless of me to do that but when you're so happy with a dog like him you just can't bring yourself to think that he's going to die one day. And now I'm crying. who knows when Rex will die? Who knows if anything happens? I don't like this. I can't stop thinking about it. I want to just forget about this and live with Capish happily.

I'm just full of dread right now. I'm pretty sure I'm just full of a bunch of dumb hormones rn and I should be feeling this 10x less. This feeling in my chest hurts so bad but I can't cry even though I want to. I can't get it all out. I want to but I can't.

I'm gonna try and sleep.