Vent Book ➳☙

Mom :/

She thinks me trying to express my anger or visibly showing frustration/anger it's "attitude". If I'm visibly showing I'm angry, she'll go "don't give me that attitude. Can't you even pretend to have fun now that we're having such a wholesome family activity?!" 

UHUH so I'll just like I've always done, shove my actual emotions down my throat and let it silence me? I don't think so. I'm trying to change, and you're not helping mom.

Also that "family activity" is always "let's do this together! HAVE SOME FUN AS A FAMILY." I don't like "having fun with my family." I hate it. Having to be with those people that gives me the ick (my brother) and my mom, who is just so frustrating then bc we just don't like the same things sometimes.

She's basically Susan Heffley. 😒

When I'm in my room doing literally anything from painting to listening music and making bracelets, she'll come in and just "you've been in your room so long doing nothing go and do something like go for a run, or just get out of the house." HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT MOM, THAT I ACTUALLY DO THAT? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT WHERE I AM MENTALLY, HOW I FEEL, HOW EXHAUSTED I AM FROM JUST LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE AS YOU? HAVE YOU? DONT THINK SO, BECAUSE BOOKS ARE JUST COVERS WITH MEANINGLESS BABBLE INSIDE. RIGHT?

I wish many times I had another mom and wondered how I would've turned out. But it's not possible and I hate that. It feels unfair, and I know if I brought any of this up with her she'll pull the "I pay all of the bills in this house, etc etc, and you think your mind and it's way of working has a right to be this disrespectful towards ME, your MOTHER?"

I'm a bold and expressive person. She doesn't appreciate that very much. The way I work feels like it doesn't matter as long as she's created at illusion for herself that I'm okay with being so visibly frustrated but she wants to get the family together doing something nice ykyk and it doesn't matter that I try to SHOW her I don't want to, but then it's attitude or I'm some kind of psycho that doesn't want to be with my family.

I like friends more than family. They're nice. You can be yourself around them. Your family? You live with them. She gave birth to you. (Not really she did a C-section for both me and my brother) And since she also took care of you when you were an infant, payed for your food and worked hard to support you, you should just... Think it's so great to be with her. And so wonderful. Yeah, not the least aggravating at all. Because all of that says we have so much in common and we can live side by side without one of them literally going insane because they actually don't click.

She's been talking a lot about moving lately, and I hate it. It's always, "look at this house in THE SOUTH, doesn't it look nice and warm? There's no snow and so many flowers-"

I GET IT. YOU DONT LIKE IT HERE. YOU REALLY DONT. BUT WHEN I RESPOND WITH "If you wanna move then do that, idc, I'll stay here with dad" SHE GETS SUPER MAD BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO MOVE, AND I DONT WANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS AND MY LITERAL LIFE.

Even my brother is in on this. They want to move to the south, and they've been going on and on about so much I'm about to go insane for real this time.

I hope she changes. AND MOVES. WITHOUT ME.

WIIII I will end this here 😐😗🤩