Vent Book ➳☙

Js random stuff

I can figure out how I'm doing but the length of my fingernails. If I'm genuinely happy through the core and my mental health is good, they're long and in shape. But when I'm not, they're bitten off and rough. It's always something little inside me that brings me down. Like it doesn't make a big difference but when everything is not in its place so triggering. I'm exhausted with life. Every single little thing can trigger frustration and anger.

It's one AM rn and I really really want to cry for no reason. Iv'e bee clean about two weeks and I really really feel the need to do something. I can't. I'm just gonna betray everyone that trusted me, my best friend, the counselor - everyone I promised to I wouldn't do it again. 

I can't sleep and iv'e been eating more recently. I need something to numb everything. I need to do something. My mind is craving extreme dopamine and adrenaline so I'm more tempted than ever to do  literally anything I can get my hands on.

But I'm gonna stay strong. My nails have been long, and I intend for them to stay like that, I'm not gonna bite them off. I'm gonna handle it. 

They're gonna start the process of the "investigation" of my possible ADHD or ADD, but they want to check for autistic traits as well. My mom also has a bipolar disorder, and I just got to know about her uncles' alcohol problems. Iv'e earned a lot from my mother's side - mostly appearance. But also mostly because I was raised her way, and mostly by her. 

My dad is pretty distant, as he's busy with work. He's not really one that copes emotionally - or opens up emotionally for that matter. It contrasts my mom very strongly. 

Iv'e earned more characteristics from my dad, such as humor, and mostly the same emotional mindset; To not talk about it. 

It's really hard to open up to someone. I forget the most important words and I never get out the amount I want to. That's why I have a vent book. So I don't have to stare someone in the face. 

It's nice to do it this way. I don't intend for anyone to read this that frequently except for taking a peek out of pure curiosity. 

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