ʟᴏꜱᴛ ꜰᴀɪᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ʟᴏᴠᴇ [ɪɴᴅɪᴀɴ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ]

9. Now or Never

Ending the ceremony, the elders gave a permission to the newly couples to spend come quality time together Alone

"Are you able to walk?" i politely ask as she just nods her head I am not a blind I can see her struggling with her heavy lehenga.

We were just walking silently don't know how long? It's okay she needs time. I smiled at myself and Again looked at her but to my surprise she is already staring at me

Can't stop thinking about some hours of ago she said to me your eyes are beautiful I never noticed that much on my eyes, everytime I know that I must look presentable that's it.

But, why is staring at with those eyes, I can read her eyes, there's pain, some hesitation, i don't mind she can asked me or demand for anything, but backing off from this i can't bare it.

I turn myself towards her facing her, she immediately looked down her actions actually describing something is off with her. I stood infront her and pull her chin up by my index finger and saw her shedding tears fuck! I hate this moment. I never wanted her to cry but see. I can bet on it there's something wrong with her kind of she stress. Maybe

I wipe off her tears, but her tears never tend to stop, even if tries to wipe them they continues.

"Are you fine, Gautami?" i asked her out of concern

"No, I'm not fine, Anirudh" i closed my fist as controlling my emotions. I took her hand in mine and she followed my back as i found a shelter house with open wind. I Settle down with her.

"If you are comfortable to share with me than do, I'll not force you, but if you do, I will help you" she shake her head as no but her eyes follows mine as she is trying to explain me with her eyes but sorry i didn't understand.

"Anirudh, I will straightly ask you one question, will you answer me?" I was taken a back with her words, but still i nods

"hmm, go forward"

She gulp her saliva, some of her hair strands were disturbing her so I forwarded my hand but she already put them back of her ear.
I took my hand back. And waited for her to ask me question

"What's the reason behind your yes for Marriage, Anirudh?"

For a seconds both of them were silent, all she can do is scan his face, no words came out of his mouth, for him it was difficult to express what he feels for her, what she meant to him, but, why is she asking right now? Is there some problem? Those questions were roaming inside his head.

"I asked you something" he just humm and tries to find some words so he can just explain. But what is there to explain?

"Don't mind, but, I really do like you, maybe I loves you, this is Only reason, and i don't think there's any reason, Right?"

"When?" straightforwardly she asked him

"What when?"

"You just only told me that you----

"Oh that, it's a long story, i know what are you thinking, but it's not, I have waited for you many of years, and you know, my waitings paid me of, see now you are going to be mine" his sweet smile, his innocent words were hitting me like a knife. It's to difficult for me the situation I'm in right now.

If he comes to know the truth that I will never be his he will heartbreaking, and i know how heartbreak feels. How this mere break affect our whole life. And i can't let him afford it. He is good person, I can tell you. He deserves someone who will know him, love him, cherish him. Not like me who can't even be his. What a shame no?

He waited for my reply or my reaction but it never comes, but what if he feel like I'm disrespecting his feelings?

With courage, I took his hands in mine, this time it felt soft, I looked into his beautiful eyes but sec after I stopped myself and stared at his face, he has a pointed nose, sharp jawline woah perfectly done beard. Both sides parted black hairs, full lips reddish. Screams perfection.

"I am sorry, Anirudh" he frowns a little but, the hand which I was holding he holds it more tightly with both of his, and look straight into my eyes. I can't

"For what, Gautami? Are you not happy with this?" what should I reply to him now?

"I am not the one, you deserves way more better than me, please"

"What are you saying?, Gautami, is something wrong with you?, we can settle down,you are the one i crave i know, please understand" she shake her head as No he softly caress her palm calming her down.

"No, you have to understand, you'll never be happy with me, I'm not rejecting your love for me, but I can't even accept it----" she never meant to say all of these, his actions stops his eyes were searching for hers but she never let that to happen. He didn't let her hand go but instead he hugged her. He was numb, she felt his hands were cold, she was taken a back by a hug, but understanding the situation she hugged him back. Which reliefs him a little.

He smiles in pain, warmth of her body was Calming him, "Don't leave me, Gautami, I've waited for you years and i can't afford it to let go of you, we will manage, please" her eyes were tearing, "I know, but, i don't want to be the reason of your pain, i know I'll never be yours so why should I destroy your life, Anirudh?"

"You are not, Darling, just give a try, we will make it happen, take as much as space you want"

"you are not understanding" she backed off from the hugg, and saw his reddish eyes. It stabbed her like a knife.

"Than please make me understand"

"Please, I'm not telling you I'm breaking off the engagement or anything, just stating the truth which you must know before the marriage, like, I don't want to keep you in darkness"

"You are forcing yourself under pressure of your parents?"

"Kind of"

_______________________________________

Dear Diary

I'm not here to write anything
Finally the day is here.
The matter of fighting over my emotions and feelings has ended.
I'll close the chapter of diary..

Bye,
Thanks for everything,
You are the one who always listen my chant. Thank you.. but sorry
From now on I'll never open you, nor share you anything

Goodbye 👋

Sometimes goodbyes are meant to be for forever

______________________________________

9 part 〽️

Hope you all enjoy reading this chapter.

Published: 12 Feb, 2024