Roach

Chapter 39

"I'm..."

"Stalling." Cal states, a small huff coming from him. "Just spit it out, Gary."

"I'm going... to stay enlisted. I don't think I'm going to retire..."

"What."

"I-"

"I heard you." Cal stands up, almost getting angry. "You nearly die and you just- want to go back-?!"

"Cal-"

"Don't 'Cal' me. You can't seriously think that we'll just—"

"C-Callum..." Mum chokes out. She rises as well though she shuffles over to me. Her hands hold mine as she pulls me into a tight hug. "W-We c-can't ch-change your m-mind now c-can we..."

"I'm sorry Mum..." I reply instead, leaning down into her.

Her voice gets quieter, "Just l-like Oliver..."

My eyes get wide as I pull away. Her hands shift, moving to hold my face.

"O-Oliver would of w-wanted yo-you to stay... t-to stay w-with yo-you're friends..."

"Mum..."

"I-I do-don't wa-want t-to lose y-you G-Gary... b-but I-I don't w-want t-to h-hold yo-you back." She takes a heavy breath. "I... I t-trust yo-you, Gary."

I pull her back into a tight hug. "That means so much for me to hear Mum. I... I don't want to stay there forever. I just... I want to finish what I started. I couldn't sleep at night knowing there's still a mad man out there."

Mum stays quiet, though sways a little with me. She pulls away then smiles this shaky smile up at me. "I-I un...underst-tand. Oliver w-would b-be th-there w...with you... if he w-was still..."

"I understand, Mum."

Yet she shakes her head, "Wh-When you... you t-told me... that y-you saw him... It... it sh-showed m-me how m-much..." A shaky breath, "How m-much he ha-has in...influenced y-you."

"Mum... You can't seriously support Gary doing this." Cal states as he walks over to us. One of his hands rests on Mum's shoulder. "This is insane. He should cut his losses and just stay home."

"N-No... w-we can't m-make up h-his m-mind for h-him. He..." Mum looks from Cal to me once more. "Y-You are y-your father's s-son... h-he w...would be p-proud... Even i-i-if it b-breaks m...my h-heart."

I feel tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. My hands move to Mum's face, and as I hold her, I give her a small nod. "Th... Thank you, Mum. That really... it means the world for me to hear you say that. I don't want to be gone forever. I just... want to be out there a little longer, hopefully. If it gets too dangerous, I'll make sure Simon and I will be safe. I can't help anyone if I get myself killed. Plus—I... I made a promise to come back. One I will always keep."

"Y-You b-better..." She pulls me by my shirt so that we're eye to eye. Her pull is gentle yet her eyes stern. She pulls me once more into a tight hug before pulling away and kissing my forehead. "L-Let m-me ma-make some t-tea..."

Mum takes a deep breath before going to the stove, getting the kettle situated on it. Cal grabs my arm, drawing my attention though his tone is hushed. "You can't be serious."

"I am... I was promoted too... I-I want to go back, Cal."

"Don't."

"Callum..."

"Gary, I can't lose my brother again."

My hand moves over his. "You won't."

"You can't be so sure."

"I can be pretty sure. I won't have anyone on my own side trying to kill me anymore. Shepherd had it out for us from the beginning, though I'll never know why. Price is trying to force his way to be our general—so we'll be careful. We will be better, be safer. I know we can do this. We're so close to taking Makarov down. It can't take more than the year."

"Gary."

"Callum you... just have some faith. I-I've got this."

"I don't have any faith in you after died. Don't... don't die on us for real. I can't... We can't take that."

"You have my word then. My promise. I won't die. Please... Please trust me, Callum."

"We'll see..." He lets go yet I know he's not done with the topic. I don't think there's anything I can say to change his mind. He moves past me, going to help Mum with the tea, wanting to make Ruby her hot chocolate. Cal starts to whisper with Mum but whatever he's saying doesn't seem to change Mum's more peaceful mood. Maybe my words did have an effect on Mum. She even spoke about Dad, something she hasn't done in years. If she thinks Dad would support me, then I think we've done something right.

As I go into the living room, Simon opens his arms to me. I take his hand and wrap it around me as I sit down. "What'd they say?" He asks.

"Cal was predictable... Whatever we do when we get back, we have to be more careful, Simon."

"We will, bug. I know we have to. I don't want to wind up dead without you." A grin comes over Simon's face, making me push him.

"You know what I mean."

"Well, with a possible promotion to captain in my sights, then I have to be more careful. We just have to make sure Ole Mac can hand general-ing over to Price."

Soap chimes in, "If he will, you think you can fill Price's spot?" His tone is joking.

"Course I can, Soap. I've been keeping you dogs in line for years. I thought that I handled it well when he was missing."

"You did. I thought I'd be the one to die if you didn't help me."

Simon and Soap laugh while I lean into Simon. It's nice to hear him laugh, to hear him genuinely laugh. I thought that he was too into healing or making sure I was okay to laugh like this. Especially after our promotions on the way. Simon's been taking things so seriously, his recovery so personally. It seemed like he was focused on the wrong things for a bit.

Makes me realize what I need to be focused on. On his recovery more than my own. I haven't been putting anyone's happiness forward, not even my own. I was busy stressing over what Mum and Cal would say about my decision. Maybe that's why there were more nightmares than normal. More nightmares that I couldn't remember.

A New Year.

2017 will be different.

Things will be different because Simon and I are still alive. Makarov won't know what hit him.