Not So Secret [frerard]

[Chapter 7: Miscommunication]

"Hey sweetheart, how was your day?" My mom said.

"Hi, mom. Good," I said quickly before running upstairs and into my room.

Once I got to my room I flopped onto my bed and screamed into my pillow like a 12 year old girl.

Why did he do that? Why did he kiss me?? And worst of all, why did he pretend like I didn't exist for the rest of the day??? Fuck. Fuck me.

I pulled out my phone and checked instagram.

No messages from Gerard.

I checked my messenger app.

No messages from Gerard.

Why did he kiss me if he was gonna ghost me?? Fuck. I'm so fucking confused. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm anxious. I'm tired.

I decided to pick up my guitar and play it. I hadn't played it in a few days and I already missed it. I started playing some octaves in a riff. After a few seconds I decided I wanted to add some lyrics so I grabbed my phone and looked through my notes app for some good lyrics.

"Well, if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go its better of this way
For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?"

That's all I had written down. I liked those lyrics so I put my guitar down gently on the floor and layed down on my bed and continued writing.

"I'm not okay," I whispered to myself after getting distracted think of Gerard.

Wait... that's it! That'll be the chorus!

"I'm not okay
Im not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out."

I was happy with the chorus and started writing the rest of the song.

After about a half hour I finally finished writing it and decided to try singing it. Whenever I write songs I think of the melody to it as I write so it wasn't hard to start singing it. I started singing it and made some changes to it and was soon happy with the final result.

I picked my guitar back up and started singing my song and playing my guitar.

"I'm not okay, and in parentheses 'I promise'," I said out loud to myself and I wrote the title of the song on my notes app.

I decided to record myself playing it so I wouldn't forget it. I was satisfied with the recording and decided to post it to my Instagram.

"So cool!"

"🔥🔥"

"Why he kinda"

"this goes so hard!"

I smiled at the supportive comments and felt a lot less stressed out than I was 2 hours ago about Gerard.

...

[Gerards pov]

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy fuck. Holy shit. Fuck fuck fuck. Why did I do that?? What?? Oh my god. Fuck fuck.

I need to tell Mikey about this. He's my brother, my best friend and we tell each other everything. He'd understand. He'd be the first person to know about any of this though.

I got off my bed and walked across the hall to Mikeys room. I knocked and waited for an answer.

"Shit hide," I heard a muffled voice. "The closet."

The door was soon opened.

"Who were you talking to?"I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nobody," Mikey said quickly.