Call it what you want

Separation anxiety- Part Two, its all a part of the process

I started my previous chapter a bit cocky - I was going to fix my horses separation anxiety by simply changing myself.
Because I said there was only one step!
Oh I laugh out loud because the universe will always find a way to pull us back into check when we think we know it all.
Yes I needed to change myself to be a better person that my horses wanted to be around.
So this was the other lesson I was thinking about as I wrote the other chapter.

I was hosing Jim down a few days later and like before he was calling out to the herd because they were just out of sight.

He was dancing around on the end of the lead rope because he wanted to get back to his mates and I all I wanted to do was hose the sweat of his body.

He was getting impatient and I was getting impatient.
He was dancing around so I reacted by giving him a slap up the side of him belly with the lead rope... and he reacted by striking out at me.
I didn't get offended - I was shocked.
I sure stoped in my tracks and thought hard but very quickly that I needed to change my behaviour very quickly, because he was going to continue to meet my energy.
He didn't get me when he struck out but I know fine well he could easily hurt me very badly if I didn't start listening to him.
That's what made me think about the evolution of horses and the poor racehorses that I love so much.
They have been conditioned to do what they are told, or get punished for it. Many race horses only know 'learnt helplessness' in the worst way possible.
The have been taught to do as they are told, or I will get a harsher bit, or I will put blinkers on you, or I will cover you in a heavy blanked and you will get man handled into a steel box and you can only jump out when I tell you to.
Wow that's some scary shit when you put it in horse terms.
No wonder they don't know how to handle life after racing, and love and kindness.
They have to relearn natural and mutual respect.
Because they probably have never even been in a natural herd before. They don't even know how to be a horse in the most basic form.

So that's what Jim was going through, he has spent time in a natural herd environment and really likes that. But now this human is coming in and messing up his new world. The human that he absolutely had to rely on in the race world to give him safety, leader and herd dynamics, food, shelter. He had to rely of humans for all of those basic needs.

And now he is starting to experience life as a horse and how much safer he feels in that herd environment.
Because people never allowed him to have freedom, like the herd has given him. He is learning that he can make his own choices and learn from his own mistakes now.

So when I told him to be patient, he just give me the proverbial finger and said NO!
You don't make me feel safe and you don't listen to me so I will keep getting louder until you so head me!

And that's where the horse usually wins - people deam then as dangerous, etc because that person just couldn't understand them. Then they do to a digger pen, and some kind soul buys them and gives them love and time and patience and kindness and what happens. They turn out to be a friggen amazing horse. Because the right person listen to them.
A very expensive well bred horse can quickly turn into a worthless horse because of someone's unrealistic expectations!
And a wild brumby or a wild mustang can soon become a very talented, well rounded amazing partner for someone that wishes to put in the time patients and love, passion, energy what ever words you can think, use those words to describe a horse that you would love to have.

So do that.. do that right now... think of all those words that your dream horse would be... and put those words next to your current horses name.
If you think it can't be done, well your right.
But if there is even a tiny part of you that thinks it can happen - well you will do the things you need to do to make it happen.

But think back to the reason or intention behind it.

Do you want to understand your horse or do you want them to do it because you want to do it.

Do you want a partnership and a connection with your horse?

So for me I absolutely want to understand my horse and what he is thinking.

So back to my sorry.

I wacked him - he struck at me - I got scared because no knew he could hurt me.
I needed to work out how I can make him feel safe, and want to be around me just as much as he liked being around the herd of horses while still allowing him to have the choice to be with the herd and be with me.
I wanted it to be his choice!
So my first step was going to be that I was going to take him back to his herd.
If I wanted him to trust me, I had to show him he could be safe with me until he was back with his herd.
So I finished the hosing and walked him back to where he could see his herd. I stop and just stood with him. His head was sky high but he was standing still! He was standing right beside me.
He had stoped moving his feet when I had stopped moving mine.
I just stood with him for a moment. Let him process that his mates were now right in front of him, 30mt away.. they were just there... but so was I. I was comfortable in standing with him waiting.
I reached up and took his halter off and just stood there. I didn't touch him, I just stood there.
He then walked off calmly.

Because the last time I let him go he galloped off.
I understand why he did that, he couldn't see his mates.
So I had thought about that for a while and I thought to myself well I needed to start taking him back to his herd. So he knows that I will keep his safe. I'm not going to just abandon him into the wild for the lions to eat him.

There is a lot in this and I'm just at the beginning of unpacking and learning this stuff.
I'm enjoying writing it in this candid way too because it helps me to understand myself better and the person I'm becoming also.