Call it what you want

Where I started is not the same place I ended up - my inner diologe detours.

This the the truth about intention and the power of your thought.
When you become aware of something new, you start to see it everywhere, it's not a coincidence it's you own brain making it happen.
So if you don't want to keep seeing something, stop thinking about it and hou will stop seeing.

If it makes you cranky, ask yourself why is it making you cranky, get to the bottom of it and find out why that cranky feeling comes up with that word, or picture or the trigger behind what your seeing.

I know for me personally when I start to get cranky is it directly associated with sadness.
Anger is Sads' Bodyguard.
How lucky are we to have our person internal bodyguard!

So next timer you get angry, have a chat to anger, ask anger why they are sad. Then ask anger to Give sadness a hug. Even if it doesn't want to, do it anyway because everyone feels misunderstood.
Anger and Sadness are really good friends.
They help each other work together to keep each other safe.
When sadness is being taken care of, Anger doesnt have to work so hard and when Anger is being taken care of Sadness doesn't  have to work so hard.

So next time you are sad or angry the best think you can do is just be kind to yourself. Be kind to your feelings.

Since I have started to work out how to do life without anti depressants, it's a daily work out.

So now what I like to do is when a feeling, an emotion or an old/negative thought comes up.
I think of inviting it in to my mind and sitting down with it and having a chat.
I want to better understand myself and how I think.

I still try to explain my thoughts to my partner.
When he gives me that look of care and concern, and asks me what's on your mind, because I had a bad night sleep.

I think to myself. Wow- you ready for this- if you want to know I will tell you. So I start rambling and letting it all fall out, it's never long and he is checking his watch or getting fidgety. That's because he can't even sit comfortably and listen to my thoughts going all over the place.
And that's ok!!!! That's why I spent years meditating myself, that's why I would spend days sleeping, because that was my only way out from my own mind.

So now I'm having to learn to take myself away and write, write like crazy, let it all out.
Because I always feel better and I feel lighter, fresher from getting it all out. Writing it all down.
I can start to think clearer again because I have gotten past all of the detours and road blocks in my mind. I hustled through the heavy city traffic to get on the back roads of smooth sailing and calm waters.
Because that's how this story came to light.

I was expressing my thoughts to Barty and he checked out and picked up his phone because it had a message notification ding.
In that moment I was so caught up in my head that I took that as a personal reminder of "no one wants to listen to me, I'm too much, no one can understand me"

But in all honesty it was because he had sent a message to someone before I came over to him to have a chat about my busy mind.
So he was still mentally in that conversation with that person. So when that message tone sounded, that was just a physical sound to get back to that conversation because his mind had never left that conversation.

I understand now that we were just two people having two separate conversations and neither of us were paying attention to the other.

There is a part of my mind that thinks I need to have better structure to my book.
That I need to be more streamlined or get better flow to it.
This is just the start of my publishing journey and right now I want to express myself how my mind works, because I know I will have a different structure to my books over time.
I already understand the concept and process of my mind thinking about the 'structure' and the 'just be you'
The masculine and the feminine thinking parts of me.

But right now I am using this as an example of a beautiful busy, active mind that is learning how to express itself for others to understand and to relate to.
To teach others you are not broken there is nothing wrong with you!
We are all learning and we are all doing the best we can each day.