Red

CHAPTER 41.

A silence drifted out as I held Sveva's eyes. "Come again?"

I closed my eyes for a brief moment to hide the shame that I felt. "I called River's name when we were having sex last night and I felt like a complete fucker for doing that to him."

"Well damn. What were you thinking?"

I throw my hands up and slapped it down on the island of the kitchen. "I don't know."

She frowned then scoffed. "What do you mean by that Aurora, put yourself in his shoes. Say that you guys were having sex right now and he called out his dead fiancée's name, tell me how would you feel? because I pretty much know you'd feel fucked up."

"Way to make me feel worst bitch." I muttered.

She ignored me and said.

"A man like that would never understand why you do that shit. I've known Lorenzo for most of my life and I've never seen that man had flings, he's always tied up in his work that even little Xami gets affected by his workaholic pattern, trust me I've tried to seduce him before..."

I found myself glaring at her when she said it, she throw up her hands and mouthed sorry.

"What I'm saying is, he trust you enough to give a part of himself to you and it would take a lot for him to trust you again."

Viviana sighed and gave me a side hug. "She's not lying."

"Are you still in love with River?"

I thought about her question, knowing damn well that I still had a little love in my heart for him. He was my first love, he taught me how to be strong and was not afraid to gave me his honest raw critics.

Yet still, the tears that wet my pillows last night and the constant disappointment that was shown on Lorenzo's face from what I did, fucked up my every plan I had against him. I had feelings for him, they were there, I couldn't deny it.

I didn't know when or how it happened but I know for damn sure that it was because of his damn eye contacts that were always fucking intense.

I was attracted to him but I was still struggling with my past.

Why were things so difficult...

It's like I'm fighting to keep the promise to River and at the same time, fighting against the very feelings that wanted me to just give Lorenzo everything.

"I still find it hard to get over his death and sometimes I feel like I will never ever moved on.."

You do realize that the more you hold unto the past, it's the more your future is going to move past you and you're gonna wake up one day asking yourself why the fuck you didn't try harder to let go. Trust me time is of the essence and it is also cruel when you're bounded by your past...

The voice of Lorenzo seeped into my mind then and I looked down at my lap.

I knew using Lorenzo to forget my troubles were wrong. God it was. And along with this guilt, the stress of the investigation, the revenge, I didn't know what to do.

I was torn between apologizing or brushing it off and labelled it as a pay back for what he did to River but in spite of that even though the Don acts rough, I knew that at the end of the day he was still human born with emotions.

"Omg girl come here." Viviana hugged me and my heart squeezed from her vulnerability as her tears soaked my shoulders.

Sveva's violet eyes welled up as well but decided to play strong. Softness overtook her face as she came to my side and handed me a paper towel.

"Have you ever thought about therapy?"

I shook my head. "I'm scared of that shit..." I screw my face up and they all laughed.

"Well think about it okay? it helps and prayer also." Viviana said and I smiled at the word prayer but dreaded at the thought that I would have to opened up to a stiffed faced stranger with pen and paper.

_____

Trying to pushed away my guilt, I stared through my prescription glasses as I read Lust in Fire.

Completing the rest of chapters that I didn't get to finish due to everything that is happening.

As I read on, I frowned as a string of curses echoed from behind the door.

Thinking that it was Fire, because he breathe and eat expletives, I pulled the door open and with weak fingers allowed the book to fell to the floor in a thud from the Don.

He was frassed out, white long sleeved shirt unbuttoned, revealing his wet chest. He had on black suit pants which gripped his lower half.

And I knew that he just came home from the bar due to the rain falling in the night outside. And his strong scent of alcohol.

His eyes were darker than usual, his sclarea red from his intoxication and I swallowed from his musky leather scent that had a strong scent of weed.

Lorenzo glared down at me in so much rage that I began to close the door, but he place one of his boot out to stop it from closing.

He pushed the door towards me, came in and slammed the door shut. "Lorenzo get out."

I pointed a finger to the door as I held my ground, even though I felt bad for hurting him, I did not have the courage to deal with a ten times stubborn Lorenzo.

He shook his head and wrap a hand around my hand and pulled me to him. I stumbled on his chest, my hands now holding his pecs between his open shirt and I ignored the muscular feeling of his skin.

"I don't take orders from a woman that likes to fuck with my feelings."

"Do you enjoy giving me whiplash bitch?"

He held my jaw and pulled my face closer to him. Even though he was upset, I knew he was hurt and I felt completely bad.

I ignored his insult and shivered as he pressed his lips on my jawline to my ear. "You need to go Lorenzo, I-I can't talk to you when you're drunk, it isn't right."

"Yeah it wasn't right when you called me River when I was fucking the shit of you, no?"

I swallowed at his drunken truth and almost as if he was tired of standing, he removed himself from me and stumbled over to the small chair Xam had placed there earlier today because I was helping her with reading.

He squeezed himself into the chair, tilt his head back on the wall with his Adam's apple bobbing.

"Lorenzo..." I called but he didn't answer as his breaths evens out as he slept. His messy hair curtaining over his face as it still had that firm stern expression.

I gaze at him as I shuffled to my bed, sadness rocked me as I kept my eyes on him. I continued staring until tears fell from my eyes.

You're still holding unto the past that you can't see what's Infront of you dolce.

Lorenzo voiced said and I closed my eyes.

"River why? why are you making my life difficult...."

I continued asking the questions over and over until I drifted off to sleep.