Red

CHAPTER 48.

Oppressed. My passageway tightens up as a hand squeezed around my neck. An inability to breathe, strangled me bound against him.

My vision blurred, but he stared straight into me like he wasn't touching my neck at all...like the real choking was happening inside him. He swung me around until I laid on my back on the office table, him hovering above me.

"Funny," he murmured, leaning in until his nose brushed mine, "how the people who swear they're honest... always end up being the best liars."

My vision blurred, but I refused to look away. His eyes stayed calm too calm yet the trembling hold in them told a different story. His fingers tightened around my throat, not enough to choke me.

"Look at you," he whispered, voice low enough to freeze my blood.

"Still trying to make your tears look innocent."

He dragged my wrists behind me and with his other hand, grabbed my jaw.

"I let you inside my world." A short sharp breath left him.

"I let you near my blood. My daughter. I let you see parts of me I don't even show my men."

His jaw tightened so hard I heard the crack of his teeth.

"And you walked in knowing you were fucking going to poison it."

My lips trembled. "Lorenzo..."

His eyes flashed wet and angry, but he refused to let his tears fall.

"Don't say my name like I'm yours."

His forehead touched mine. His voice dropped low.

"You... gave Artem everything." A breath caught in his throat. And I swallowed, fuck he knew. My head shook as I realized that the phone call he got a while ago spilled everything.

"You let him listen to every conversation. You let him watch me, my men and my kid through you."

He swallowed hard, but kept his grip steady around my jaw.

"I trusted you," he whispered. The pain in his voice lasted only a second and then he shut it down violently until it turned empty again. And my eyes quivered, tears welling up at how I fuck this man up.

"All this time," he continued, "you were helping the man who put a bullet in River's chest."

"And then, I had to received the most revealing news that would fuck Xam up...no."

My shoulders dropped weakly on the table as he mentioned Xamuela. Tears spilling as I thought about how'd she feel when she realized I've brought danger to her. I'm so sorry Xammy. "I didn't...please..."

"You did." He didn't shout. He didn't even raise his voice.

I should be scared but I...I wasn't.

"And then you moaned his name, someone I respect, a man who despite our differences was still my fucking family and yet you knew we were and you still moaned his name with me inside you." His lip curled in disgust.

"That wasn't grief. That was your guilt clawing its way out."

I sobbed because none of it was true but he wouldn't believe me. He wouldn't. It'd take a miracle for him to understand. He blinked the moisture out of his eyes.

He pulled me up by the neck, our nose touching as our breaths mingled. I could see the betrayal behind his eyes and it punched me in the gut hard. And I continue sobbing. "Don't cry now," he murmured, voice cracking just once.

I kept my blurry eyes on him and he dropped his hand down into his pocket, pulling out his phone and the screen lit up, illuminating my tear-stunned face.