Katrina

Chapter Sixteen

Despite Katrina claiming that seeing Paul Gilson had not really bothered her, Patrick could not help noticing the change in her since that day.

She had become a little more subdued, and as the weeks progressed, she seemed a little strained in his company at times, he found she had lost her enthusiasm to give herself to him, quite so willingly as before.

Patrick felt sure that Katrina seeing Paul had made her think back to what she had lost, and consider what might have been if she had got married him instead. Not that he could really blame her.

But Patrick knew she would never admit it to him, because she would not want to seem ungrateful. So he let her be, and made no comment in the change in her demeanour towards him.

He had considered this problem when he had married Katrina, after all she had married beneath her.

But at the time marrying her, it had posed the best solution. So he decided it would be best to give her space, in hope she could sort herself out and decide what she wanted.

As the weeks passed, there was a growing distance between both of them, and neither of them were sure how to go about bridging the gap. Katrina scared if she got too close to Patrick she would blurt out her love for him, and cause him awkwardness and embarrassment.

Patrick, decided this was how Katrina wanted things, so he respected her wishes.

But at the same time he was feeling a sense of frustration building up inside him, as he realised he was really missing having her in his arms, and to have her smile up at him, so willing, whilst so eager to please.

He had not realised how much she had come to mean to him until now, and it troubled him a little.

When they had got married, things had been straightforward, and clean cut between them. He would protect her from her downfall, and give her a roof over her head. where she could feel safe, that was all he had intended to do.

But they had defined that; moving beyond it when they became more intimate.

Now the rules of their relationship had become blurred.

Neither of them sure what to expect from each other anymore.. The once comfortable companionship they had shared so easily, was disintegrating around them, as they both were uncertain what the other one really wanted or needed.

Patrick suddenly found didn't know where he stood were Katrina was concerned. He was her husband, even her lover.. but did he love her?

It was something he had been pondering over a lot lately. So much so, he felt guilty that he had almost forgotten it would have been the sixth wedding anniversary for him and Juanita if she had not died.

This complicated his emotions further, as he felt his concern for his relationship with Katrina, had betrayed her and their son's memory somehow.

He spent most of the afternoon right into the late evening by their graveside, trying to figure out, how to deal with his newfound situation When he returned home with it still unresolved, it did not put him in a good mood.

Katrina was sitting by the fireside almost dozing of in the chair when he came in, but she woke up, straightening in her chair with a small smile, "You are home late tonight" she remarked

"I had to be somewhere," Patrick replied, coming to stand by the warmth of the fire. After being out in the chilly evening so long by the graveside he welcomed it, his hand leaning against the breast wall of the fire, drawing heat from it .

"Oh?" Was Katrina's only response, she watched his face, the shadows of the dancing flames from the fire reflected in his solemn expression, as he stared into them.