On Me (Matt Sturniolo)

5.

If you said to me two months ago, that I'd be diagnosed with breast cancer, having weekly rounds of chemotherapy, and be invited to a posh charity dinner with The Sturniolo Triplets sat at my table with Rachel as my plus one, I'd of definitely laughed in your face.

But here I was, with breast cancer, a few weeks into chemotherapy, currently sat at a posh charity dinner, with The Sturniolo Triplets sat at my table and Rachel as my giddy plus one.

It was surreal. While I was sat next to Rachel who was drooling at the mouth because Nate, I think his name was, was talking to her, and I couldn't help but notice from the corner of my eye the way Matt was drinking everything.

I couldn't help but pick on the way he'd lick his lips and press them together when he was talking to someone.

"So, what brings you here?" He asked, cutting off my thoughts.

I turned and saw him looking at me, he had a smirk on his face as he stroked his chin.

I wondered how I could tell a complete stranger, someone who I was never going to see again, about my illness.

But if I opened up about it and said it out loud, maybe it would make things more real?

It was very real. My first chemo session proved that, but for the first time in weeks, someone looked at me for me and not because I was sick.

"I'm just making conversation. I'm sorry if that's rude"

"No, it's okay" I assured him. "But, uh...it's a long story"

That would be enough, right?

"We have all night and a lot of drinks to get through. I am drinking water though, do you want a drink?" He asked, and I shook my head, taking a sip of the drink I already had.

"I'll finish this first, thank you" I smiled, feeling he wasn't going to give up this easy. "To answer your question-"

Here it comes.

"I have cancer"

Shit. Fuck.

"Oh, I'm sorry" he mumbled, putting his glass down. "That's-"

I slouched back in my chair and rolled my eyes.

I knew his whole demeanour would change when I told him I had cancer.

"Don't be like that" I muttered defensively.

"Like what?" Matt frowned, before smiling nervously. "Don't be like what?"

"Like that" I clarified, gesturing his body language. "All apologetic and guilty because I'm sick. It's not your fault, so why are you sorry? I don't want you feeling sorry for me"

"I don't...feel sorry for you" Matt said slowly. "I was apologising for putting you on the spot. I didn't expect you to say that when I asked you. You don't look sick to me, and I know that sounds offensive...but take it as a compliment"

Now I felt stupid.

My mouth was dry and my heart was racing in my chest. I feel like I bit his head off, and now I felt awkward and stupid.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled nervously. "I just-"

"Don't apologise" Matt said softly, with a small smile on his face. "Truce?"

"Truce" I smiled at him. "I just...I don't know, it's silly"

"No. Tell me" he urged, and I shook my head.

"You probably get this all the time-"

"Really, tell me" he assured me. "What's on your mind? I'm interested, Madison"