On Me (Matt Sturniolo)

12.

I huffed, hitting the mattress with my clenched fists.

I had been in bed for an hour now, and I still couldn't sleep.

I tried everything, listening to music, scrolling through TikTok, even counting sheep to help...but nothing was working.

Turning on my side, I picked up my phone and saw it was one thirty in the morning.

It was the latest I stayed up after my chemo, and I was kicking myself because I wished I listened to my body earlier and gone to sleep, because now I was wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

I wished I could sleep, the more my body was willing to give in, the more it was telling me to go fuck myself and that we were both staying up late.

I bit my lip, knowing what I would do if I struggled to sleep and I was alone before I was sick, but now I couldn't be bothered- and that was okay.

My lack of sex drive didn't bother me, I just couldn't be bothered with it all and my energy was put into getting better.

I hadn't flown solo for a while, and to be honest, the last time Josh and I had sex was when I asked him if he still found me attractive.

I lost count of how many weeks ago that was.

I bit my lip, feeling the palm of my hand slowly move down my chest and passing the swell of my left breast when I froze.

Matt.

He was here, I couldn't...I couldn't just lay here and do this while he was next door, could I?

We were building up foundations to our new friendship, so I don't think touching myself while he slept next door was a good start.

But he was asleep.

I huffed, rolling on to my side. "Fuck..." I mumbled to myself.

I would never be able to look him in the face again.

I smiled at the thought of Matt. He was lovely, genuine and perfect. I couldn't understand how he was still single and not making some girl really happy.

"Fuck..." I hissed, forcing myself to get out of bed.

A drink, that's what I needed. A cold drink to settle my arousal and my thoughts about Matt.

I mean, he was my friend. I guessed he was sick of being sexualised by his female fans, and he didn't need it from me either.

I left my room and made my down the hallway, into the living room, careful not to turn any lights on and wake Matt.

Leaving the living room quickly, I closed the door and took a deep breath against it.

The worst thing I could do was wake him in the process, especially since he had a long day travelling.

I smiled at the memory of him saying he'd come, it made me feel fuzzy inside.

No other guy in my life ever dropped something for me and came in the way Matt did, it was selfless and beautiful and I was grateful.

I paced across the kitchen, noticing the refrigerator door open.

Strange, I thought to myself.

The light was bright enough, it was lighting up the whole kitchen, not to mention the kitchen light was now on as it was motion detected at night.

When I stepped forward to take a closer look, I realised the door was open that was forcing me from not speaking, it was the body behind it.

I stared for a second, seeing the tanned legs on show bounce against the cold floor, when my head tilted to the side and I caught a glimpse of the Calvin Kleins.

Josh doesn't wear them, I thought to myself.

I shamelessly eyed Matt up. Leaning to my right, I continued to scan him.

I stopped, feeling my heart race, when he suddenly leaned back in a huff and said something I didn't quite catch, before he closed the refrigerator door and knocked me down, not realising I was standing there.

"Shit!" He exclaimed. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there, are you okay? Let me help you-"

He was above me...all naked and in all his glory.

"Did you hurt your head?"

"Yeah, you idiot, ow" I mumbled, laughing and rubbing the back of my head. "I'm okay, Matt-" I added, taking his hand and he helped me off the floor. "How did you miss me? I was standing right here!"

"What were you doing?" He laughed. "Creeping up on me, you scared me"

"I could ask you the same thing" I shot back. "Do you make a habit of going through people's refrigerators at night?"

"I was hungry" he mumbled. "I didn't think you'd mind...I just didn't want to wake you-"

I smiled at him, before it dawned on me that he was still in his boxers.

"Pick your jaw up off the floor" Matt smirked at me, folding his arms. "I'm feeling exposed here"

"Shut up" I whispered, rolling my eyes. "You may have the rest of the world at your feet, but I'm not one of them"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, sweetheart"

Jesus Christ

"Uh, Y/N?" He said, and I immediately came to my senses. "I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable-"

"It's fine. I'm sorry" I choked out. "I couldn't sleep. I just wanted a drink, I'm going back to bed now-" I stuttered, grabbing a bottle of water

"I was going to ask..." he started, before shaking his head. "No, it's fine. Go on, get back to bed"

"What?"

I looked over my shoulder, seeing Matt gaze at me. How was it possible for someone to look so handsome?

"I can't sleep either" he admitted. "Seeing as you're up, I was wondering if you'd like...a late night date?"

A date.

He said date.

"You know, a late night rendezvous date..."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked, smiling at him.

Act cool, Y/N.

"Take a seat. Just let me put some clothes on first..."

"That would be smart, yeah..." I laughed, earning myself a smile from him.

"Don't check me out as I walk past, okay?"

An innocent, playful window shop wouldn't hurt, right?

Course not, I thought. People do it all the time...it's human nature.

I hoped anyway.