On Me (Matt Sturniolo)

28

Last night was probably one of the worst nights I ever experienced, it was my last night with Matt.

For now.

The last two days were a rollercoaster of emotions for me, and now that I was back in Boston, I felt like I was hit by a truck.

Rachel was quiet on the journey home, and even though I knew she was dying to ask me questions about the day I disappeared after I got the news about Mary, she stayed quiet and wallowed about being separated from Nate.

I felt for her because I knew how much she was sucked in and how she wished she could be with him all the time...but the truth was, we had to get back to real life.

The thought of not being able to walk down a corridor and go into Matt's room to hang out with him, see him doing what he does best, tore me to pieces, but I had to be at home.

I needed to face reality and my health and recovery depends on it.

I remembered our conversation before I left, how he held me tight and kissed me goodbye on the cheek, then on the lips before wishing me a safe flight.

"I wish you could stay"

"Me too"

"Then stay.." he smiled.

"I wish I could...but you know I can't. Reality is waiting for me"

"It doesn't have to.."

It was going to be hard to adjust, so I could only imagine what Rachel was feeling.

The apartment was empty when  I arrived home a few hours later and I was fuelled by everything I had to experience the last few days.

I had everything ready in my head to tell Josh we were done and finished with because I deserved better than the shit I had to put up with for the last five years.

I entered the bedroom and looked the bed I shared with him.

My stomach lurched at the sight of it untouched.

It looked barely slept in and the thought made me sick to my stomach.

As I left the bedroom and made my way around the apartment, noticing the entire place was untouched.

We weren't officially living together as the place was mine anyway, but Josh had a key and he basically lived here, but the more I looked around, the more I realised he hadn't been here.

Nothing had been eaten out of the refrigerator, the washing basket was full of the same dirty laundry when I left, the dust lay on the mantle piece in the living room, the bins hadn't been changed and my kitchen stunk.

I was so angry.

I couldn't believe how terrible I felt about leaving and now I was back in my apartment wishing I never left Matt.

Deep down, I should have known and guessed this would happen. I should've known better than to expect him to be waiting for me with open arms.

I could feel the pounding in my head as Rachel entered the room, her phone dinging loudly.

"I'm not being funny, but where is he?"

"I don't know and I don't care" I mumbled back to her.

"Who shit in your cereal this morning?"

I rolled my eyes, pulling the trash bags out from under the sink.

"What are you doing?" She asked. "Jesus, are you throwing Josh's stuff into bags? Why?"