On Me (Matt Sturniolo)

14

The last few weeks had been blissful, even if they were technically the worst few weeks of my life.

From being diagnosed, the chemo and having my life torn apart, my best friend was being laid...to meeting one of the kindest guys I'd ever had the pleasure to meet. Life was now pretty good.

Funny how life turns out.

I think I finally started to come to terms with what was happening to me. Even though I was still holding Rachel and Josh at arms length when it came to chemo, eventually Josh took the hint.

When he was working or playing soccer, just like I told him before, he was starting to make an effort and he waited outside the hospital for me.

It was nice to see a familiar face after a hard session and it made me appreciate him more he was trying.

Rachel on the other hand, I'd only ever seen her if she wasn't working and if she wasn't with Nate.

I was happy for her though, she seemed a lot happier than usual.

I had yet to tell her about Matt too, which I was nervous about.

I was a good girl, in the last couple of years Josh and I had been together, I never looked at another guy and I was struggling with whatever this was with Matt, even though I loved it.

I never texted other guys while I was in a relationship and I wasn't the kind of girl who fantasied about other guys, while I was with someone.

But I was slowly turning into that girl...and I was starting to hate it.

Matt and I kept in contact everyday on Instagram and texts, sometimes he'd call me and we'd talk for hours when Josh wasn't around.

It would brighten up my day and he would put a smile on my face that would last all day.

I was becoming selfish and needy because I wanted Matt to myself and I knew the minute Josh found out about him, he'd make sure I'd never see him again.

I was laying on my bed, flicking through my magazine when my phone buzzed from beside me

I smiled, picking it up and reading Matt's message.

Matt: what you doing, pretty girl? x

I smiled, sticking my tongue out through my lips and typed back my reply.

Madison: nothing, pretty boy. Just laying in bed, reading a magazine. I'm waiting for Rachel to turn up, what are you doing? x

Matt; bored, Madz. Entertain me? x

I smiled, feeling excitement build up inside me.

Madison: entertain yourself, Sturniolo. You have a hand x

Matt: it gets boring after a while. Not that you would know, Miss I'm in a relationship and have sex whenever I want lol x

Madison: actually, I wouldn't know

I froze, realising what I just sent back.

Why would I say that?

I knew he'd respond with a question, and it would open up a can of worms I didn't want to open.

Matt; what? x

What the hell do I say now?

Matt: Madison, maybe this is personal...and I'm sorry. Are you still sexually active? It's okay if not, you're fighting cancer. Don't be hard on yourself x

Christ.

I took a few seconds to think of a reasonable response, wondering how I could put into words without sounding like a slut.