Void Stage

Guilt of my Mistake

Then one day, cops called and told me that my wife had been involved in an accident outside the local hospital. As I attempted to assimilate the information, my heart raced. I hurried to the precinct and made a demand for further information. My wife was waiting in front of the hospital when another automobile crashed into her car, they told me. She died instantaneously, and her body was completely charred. They ended up unable to identify the body because of this. It felt as though fate had struck me. My thoughts were racing with feelings and inquiries. Why did this have to take place?

"How can you claim she's in that car and who the killer is?" I asked them.

They said, "We found it from the CCTV footage of the hospital. The killer escaped from the sight. But we were searching for him."

"Oh my God! How can you treat her so cruelly? I am the sinner, she saved me and in return lost her life; I never trusted you, however, she did so consistently. Why has it happened on the day when I had reprimanded her? I didn't even have the opportunity to ask for her forgiveness. I could not get a chance to give her a dignified funeral. I never offered her any happiness in life." I was crying like crazy there, losing my mind. Owing to my unstable mental state, they assisted me in getting home. I arrived home and just sat there, motionless, in the living room. Tears started to fall on my cheeks as I sat there, gazing at the wall where our wedding picture was hanging. It was as though my brain had given up attempting to contain the grief that had been accumulating inside of me for days because I was unable to control it. I broke down in tears, releasing all the hurt and grief I had been holding inside since I hadn't seen her in a long time, and started drinking in pain after that day to stop my guilt from piercing my heart. One day I returned home from a bar early in the morning. I collapsed onto the couch, feeling hollow and empty. My tears dried up by then and gave way to tiredness as the hours went by. I dozed off for a moment. But then, I heard something shattering, and I woke up. I noticed a broken flower vase on the ground in the bedroom. There were broken glass pieces everywhere on the ground. I started collecting pieces of broken glass from the ground. While cleaning, I noticed a diary lying next to it on the ground. I sat on the sofa, holding the diary. It was a diary written by her and as per the year, it was almost around the year of our marriage, ten years back. I could not help but feel a mix of emotions holding it in my hands. 

"Should I read it? Or shall I respect her privacy?", even though I was confused at first, but finally decided to read it. 

First page:

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Dear Diary,

Today is a very special day for me. Today is my birthday. Almost five months have passed since our marriage. Today's incident reminded me to write a book. I almost lost my habit of writing diaries for more than five months. All my old diaries are with my parents. I am 27 years old as of today. I thought I knew everything there was to know about love and life. I was naive, foolish, and blinded by my imagination. I had always dreamed of finding my soulmate, and I thought I had found him in my husband. On his birthday I gave him a beautiful watch, which cost more than half of my salary. I gave so many hints about my birthday. Not sure if he is really forgetting or if he is doing it intentionally. He did not give me any presents. But Mom and Dad gave me this diary as a present today, which made me so happy. Only because of them, do I feel at home. They didn't let me feel the absence of my parents, otherwise I would have been lonely. Today was a busy day, I will write more tomorrow.

See you tomorrow,

Padmaja

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