Crush - Leah Williamson

13. Years In The Making

Years In The Making - Arkells

"It's more than a dream, it's more than desire
I can feel you holding your breath
And you don't know, no, what I'm gonna do next
Now it's been years in the making
And I'd do it over again"
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I'm a sensitive person, okay?

I'm the type of people that has an easy cry. I've treated with my psychologist, with my friends, but no matter what I try I always end up balling my eyes out. Or if lucky, I successfully suppress the tears leaving a knot on my throat impossible to erase

It doesn't have to be a tragic situation. I remember when Alexia and Olga had just moved in together and they invited me to the cinema to celebrate. God, I was so embarrassed when they had to check up on me after The Beauty and The Beast ended because I couldn't stop crying.

Another example that also includes Olga was the UWCL final in Turin. I think I mopped around the hotel for hours while heartbrokenly eating a taco. It was better than Alexia saying she wouldn't play football no more.

Either way, I'm unable to mask my emotions

Olga has an interesting theory she had been coming up with, needing one final piece of information to confirm it. And so they let an hour pass before checking up on me upstairs. After Leah's text and the realization that chapter of my life came to an end, I had slowly made my way under Alexia's spare bed covers

I was being dramatic for I already stated that I spend too much time with Mapi. The best way to describe the situation of that brief, but life-altering chapter of my life was saying it was... on hold

I didn't ball my eyes out which was a surprise even for me. However I did shed a few tears that stained the gray pillow of Alexia's spare bed. My mind spiraled between that blonde defender, the breathtaking midfielder, my sudden contract with FC Barcelona, my first match a day from now that had me shivering with the mere thought of it. I even felt my eyes water while thinking of what we were going to have for dinner tonight

So yeah, I'm a pretty sensitive person.

It is no-one's fault that I'm head under three blankets only taking my hand out of their warm embrace to grab the sweets I store on my nightstand. I wanted to blame Leah for having me curled up under the sheets however it seemed pointless. In those texts, even the last one, nothing in her demeanor demonstrated she wanted to hurt me

Its one of those situations where you try so hard for the other person, that you end up hurting them

"Pequeña?" Ale's voice came through the slight crack she had made when opening the door

"Mhmm." I mumbled with my eyes closed. She took the opportunity I was still alive to enter the room

The bed dipped and when I felt to sets of weights I peeked through my eyelashes. Her girlfriend, and if things continue this way my next mum, was sitting beside me reaching for my hand. A small smile crept my face at her actions and Alexia's sudden hold on my ankles

We stayed silent for some time, they letting me breathe and talk at my own accord. I was glad, not really wanting to unfold all the complicated (and trivial) thoughts on my mind. When ten minutes had passed and no-one had emitted a sound except Alexia's huffs, Olga took her chance to get the last piece of information for her theory