Crush - Leah Williamson

22. Willow

Willow - Reneé Rapp

"I know it's hard to slow down when
There's still more to go
(...)
Wanna ask how your doing
And I mean it, I mean it
Willow (Ona), don't cry, don't cry"
————————————————————

She couldn't sleep. It hadn't happened since she was a teenager, now with almost ten years on professional football she had learnt to keep her anxiety in check. But it was deeper than that, for the nerves she felt as she strolled down Camp Nou's tunnel told her that.

Was it because they had to play an all-or-nothing match against a home beast? Was it because she knew the probable outcome of tonight even before playing? Or had it had something to do with the woman that was casually laughing as the Alexia Putellas almost tripped with some cable on the floor?

Maybe. Probably

So Leah did her best to hide her anxiety as her eyes met those green that troubled her sleep. She waved at her cordially however her smile betrayed her friendly demeanor, one that the Argentinian reciprocated

How could Leah move on from her when with a simple grin and a wink she felt her stomach do summersaults?

When both of the stars of FC Barcelona entered their locker room, Leah bolted out of there knowing that if she stayed her mind would become more troubled than it already was. And so she did what she does best, push all her feelings into a jar on the back of her brain and focus on the match ahead

When the game started she thought it had worked, that she had finally managed to get out of her head the softness of her skin, the little tattoos that adorned her arms that she wishes she knew their stories of.

Leah had been as focused as ever, the only time her mind blacked out and let some feelings get out of their tightly secured jar was when she hugged her on the tunnel. Besides that, she was thriving on a match that soon would turn into one that she wishes she could forget

For when she went down, Leah thought to be dying.

"What the fuck Jordan!" Leah, radiating rage as she watched how Ona cried in pain while clutching her knee, pushed Jordan away to let the medics treat the youngster

The English looked at her captain puzzled, her eyes big as a deer in headlights. The blonde woman whose eyes showed a clear sight of distress mixed with a fervent anger, was ready to voice out the disappointment she felt towards the woman she once thought to be her soulmate

But not anymore

However the words died on her throat as she watched her get stretched out of the pitch. Leah's breath was labored, her heart beat faster than when she was running and it was all caused by the fear that consumed her for she didn't want her to go through what she had. And that's when she felt it, the little tick on her brain

Leah's eyes trailed their every move and as she watched Patri's hand try to wipe down the tear stain marks on her cheeks, she finally realized what she should've months ago.

What she should've done after she got to her car that night

She didn't need a week to understand what she felt, because it's been always the same.

–

I was feeling exhausted since we came back a week and a half ago after our win on the first leg of the UWCL semifinal. I should've listed to my aching body, my numbed legs, my tired mind. But I'm an athlete and I can't bear to be sidelined, not when we are approaching the final stretch of the season.