Regrets

Chapter 1

Becky's

It has been a year already since the video of Freen and Saint kissing gone viral and shook the whole FreenBecky fandom. Since then, we decided to limit our action oncam. The dynamic between us oncam changed and we both know that our fans noticed it too.

It's true, though. They are really in a relationship. I've known about it all along, yes. How? Because I was there all the time. As everyone already knows, me and Freen are always together since we both started our career in acting. And that's why.. I think it's an open secret to everyone that I like Freen. No, actually, erase that, I love her for God knows since when. It was me and her from the start. And the way we seem to compliment each other, the way we take care of each other, the way we're each other's comfort zone, confidant, and just everything in between, I know I was bound to fall in love with her, and I did. The saddest part is, she doesn't feel the same way. Yeah, I know. She's straight as fuck.

After a year of knowing each other, I fell and I straight confessed to her that I love her just more than sisters, best friends or whatever she likes to label our relationship with. And yeah, I was straight rejected that time too. She said that she really just see me as her Nong. Of course I was hurt, like really really hurt. Damn, until now it still stings. But we both agreed that we will do our best to remain the same despite the confession and I think we did. But of course, there will be inevitable changes since she's in a relationship for sometime now and I have to set boundaries. We had to set boundaries.

It was more than a year now since her and Saint officially became lovers. And for that whole time until now I was trying to move forward, I already accepted that we don't stand a chance the moment she rejected me and I did my best so that our relationship as best friends won't get that affected. That's why, just recently, I decided to give dating a shot. I mean, I'm not really the type to dwell on things. I would rather move forward than wait for her in vain. I love her so much, until now, but I know I really need to move on. It's already been more than a year after all. I have to give myself a chance at love too, the one that will love me back. But don't get me all wrong, I know Freen loves me, I know she does,  a lot. Just not the way I love her. And it's the reality I have to accept.

3 months ago, my brother Richie introduced me to this new partner in business of him. You know, technology and software stuff like that. Since my sexuality is like an open secret too, it's not really that big of a deal when Richie decided to set me and his new business partner Taran up on a 'meeting'. Yep, a girl. She's a Software Engineer and currently up with my brother on a business software related. He told me that this new business partner of him knew about me and wanted to meet up. Apparently, she told my brother that she's my fan. A big one at that. Since Richie known him for years now (they were kind of friends back in england before they joined hands in business), he agreed to the woman. He told me it's just gonna be like a harmless meeting, that Taran just wanted to say hi. I gave it a shot, expecting nothing, of course. Taran was very nice, very gentlewoman and soft spoken. Okay I'll say it, she's pretty. Very pretty, actually.

We met multiple times already and all our dates were great. It was light and I felt comfortable with her and it was like that since the very first one, that's why when she asked me if I would like to give us a try, I have no heart to turn her down. She's lovely and all great and I think it wouldn't be too much of a risk for my heart. We agreed to keep everything light for now, though, since I am an artist and has a name and loveteam to protect I cannot actually just let people know that I'm kinda involved with someone non showbiz in a romantic sense. IDF doesn't know about it. I didn't think of telling them for now because nothing is official yet. I've been meaning to tell Freen about it, though.

Since we were so used to telling each other about everything I want to at least keep it that way, even though lately, she's been more with her boyfriend than with me. our setup has been work together then after work, separate ways. I think it has been that way the past few months. I almost can't get a hold of her to sit her down for a serious heart to heart talk like used to. Changes, there's been a lot of that since the past months. It's sad really, but I guess things like that are just really inevitable. She's still the sweet, caring, loving Freen in a very sisterly way, but I guess she's more of a girlfriend Freen to her boyfriend lately especially when our fans seems to see us again the way they used to before the viral kissing video. Well, I think it is really just the genuine interaction and love between me and Freen that made everything okay again.